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IN HONOR OF ALL THOSE Daddies out there, Happy Father's Day a little early.
Mother's Day seems to get more emphasis, doesn't it? I don't usually see many ads for "Father's Day Brunch" or a Father's Day special on roses. However, I see every day what a crucial role fathers have in their children's health, development and happiness.
Unfortunately, there are more and more children without fathers in their homes or in their lives. A recent Free Lance-Star article by Janet Marshall noted that 30 percent of Virginia children are born to single mothers, and in Fredericksburg the rate approaches 50 percent.
This trend has been skyrocketing in the last 30 years all over the country. A small percentage of these are educated, financially stable women who choose to be single mothers, and have other resources to replace an absent father.
But most of these are unplanned babies born to women who lack the resources to give their children all that they would like them to have. Children born to single mothers are more likely to have no medical insurance, be below the poverty level, be abused and neglected, and have difficulty in school.
As the divorce rate has also skyrocketed in the last 30 years, more and more kids born to married parents end up with single parents. In too many cases, fathers "drop out" at this point and become peripherally involved in their children's lives, if at all.
Despite these disturbing trends, I've seen many positive changes in fatherhood in my lifetime and even in my 15 years in medicine.
Fathers are becoming more and more involved in the care of their children. Even in families where the mother stays at home, fathers are doing more child care than they used to (and it's a good thing, because I've got Girls' Spa Weekend coming up).
Whereas many men used to see child care as "baby-sitting" and "helping my wife out with the kids," I'm starting to see more men take primary responsibility in caring for their children.
In reality, parents are not classified as "head parent" and "assistant parent." From the day of conception or adoption, both parents have an equally important, albeit different, role.
When a child is sick and can't go to school or day care, it's traditionally been the mom who takes off from work. But now with the Family Medical Leave Act and more acceptance in our society, I see more dads taking on this duty.
I love it when dads bring their children into my office. It's often a very different experience. Dads don't ask me as many questions--it must be like stopping to ask for directions when they're lost. But I encourage them to, and it's interesting to see their perspective.
Sometimes they ask funny things like, "When is it safe to throw the baby up in the air?" Sometimes their questions are so thoughtful, like "How can I bond with my baby and support my wife while she is breast-feeding?" Sometimes they ask things that bring a tear to my eye like, "Did I do something wrong that caused this?"
Dads tend to nurture their kids in a different way than moms do. Dads say "Climb higher" while moms are saying "Be careful, don't fall." Dads say cheerfully, "Get up, don't cry, you'll be fine," while moms are saying, "Come here, let me kiss it."
Like all generalizations, these aren't always true. Sometimes the roles are reversed. But I see such a sense of security in children who have someone filling both the "Mommy" and "Daddy" roles in their lives.
Sometimes the "Daddy" role is filled wonderfully by Grandpa, Uncle, a same-sex partner, or others in the child's life, and I don't want to minimize their importance.
I hope that during my lifetime, the trend of increasing fatherly involvement will continue. I would like to see fathers even more involved in all the things that mothers have traditionally done, like helping out in school, making cupcakes for the class, finding a baby sitter, choosing the right day care, shopping for new shoes, driving the carpool, taking the baby for shots and changing diapers.
These seemingly mundane tasks are actually opportunities to know and nurture your child. What could be more important than that?
DR. ROXANNE ALLEGRETTI is a pediatrician with Preferred Pediatrics in North Stafford. She welcomes reader comments and questions. She can be reached by writing to The Free Lance-Star, 616 Amelia St., Fredericksburg, Va., 22401; or by e-mail at newsroom@freelancestar.com.