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Steve Reedal, a stay-at-home father, and his son, Tyler, take care of some grocery shopping. Four-year-old Tyler, who has epilepsy, is on a special diet that requires close attention when his Westmoreland County family is shopping for food.
Steve Reedal, who provides the in-the-trenches, daytime care for his son, Tyler, prepares lunch |
S Donna Reedal leaves for work each morning, 4-year-old Tyler stands at the front door and waves goodbye, his hand flailing until her car disappears.
Then Tyler goes inside the family's Westmoreland County home and starts his day. With his dad.
Steve Reedal, 32, is a full-time father. Most dads consider themselves full-time fathers, even if they are absent most of the day. But from 8 to 5, Reedal is the parent who provides the triage, in-the-trenches care--the cooking, the shopping, the cleaning and attending to every detail of Tyler's well-being.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau, there are an estimated 105,000 "stay-at-home" dads in the United States.
These men are married fathers with children under 15 who do not work--they stay home to provide their family's primary child care.
Before Steve Reedal took a turn at home, the family had other arrangements. At first, Tyler had a baby sitter. She retired when he was 2, so Donna stayed home with Tyler.
Steve never expected to have to leave his job as a firefighter in Spotsylvania County.
But then Tyler was diagnosed with epilepsy a year ago. The neurological condition was causing Tyler to have seizures, and the couple was making regular trips to Children's National Medical Center in Washington for doctor appointments.
Donna Reedal has a good job and generous benefits as a mechanical engineer at the Naval Surface Warfare Center at Dahlgren.
So they decided that, at least for a while, Steve Reedal would stay home to provide round-the-clock medical care for their son.
So far, it's been five months.
"At first, I was really nervous," Steve Reedal says. "I was like, 'What do you do all day?' Then I learned just do what comes naturally."
In some ways, his life today isn't vastly different. In his professional life, Steve Reedal put out fires.
Now, he just does it at home.
"Dad, don't forget to pack a ba-na-naaaaa," Tyler calls, waving the yellow fruit over his head. "I want a banana for a snack."
It's just before 9, and after two hours of breakfast, cartoons and playtime, the men are gearing up for errands.
"My wife told me to get out during the day," Reedal says, "not to just stay around the house."
An outing requires a few preparations. To reduce Tyler's seizures, the couple keep him on a strict diet free of corn, wheat, gluten and dairy. Buying food on the road is difficult, so Reedal always packs a mini-cooler full of things that adhere to Tyler's limited menu.
Today, lunch is tapioca bread, tuna fish mixed with canola mayonnaise, and the all-important banana.
Tyler starts preschool this week at Peace Lutheran Church in King George County. To prepare, Reedal reads to Tyler most mornings, or they puzzle through math problems.
As a treat, today they are visiting Reedal's old fire station near Lake Anna.
The trip takes more than an hour, each way, from the family's house in Colonial Beach.
Tyler passes the time by reading books, or scribbling pictures on a notebook.
Until he stayed home, Reedal didn't appreciate how hard it was to keep the house spotless in the midst of talking care of Tyler, he says.
"I think I'm more understanding of what she went through," he says of his wife.
Visiting Station 2 Fire and Rescue in Spotsylvania helps Steve stay in touch with his friends. He tries to have a night out with pals at least once a week, a goal his wife tried to achieve.
"What's up, buddy?" calls Sgt. Jeff Carney when he spots Tyler.
A gleeful Tyler gives him a smile and runs toward the firetrucks. His dad helps him climb in and out of the front seats.
Carney, the father of a toddler, misses his friend and co-worker, but fully supports Reedal's decision to stay home.
"He's doing an amazing thing," Carney says of Reedal. "I wish I had the bravery and the courage to do something like that."
Later, Reedal sits down in the station's kitchen, trying to catch up with friends. Tyler growls impatiently, and shows his displeasure by waving his hands in Reedal's face.
Before he stayed home full time, "I would've gotten mad," he says.
Now, "I know he's not trying to be mean, but that's how his body reacts when he's hungry."
Putting the mini-cooler on the hood of his truck, Reedal whips up a tuna fish sandwich and gives it to Tyler to eat as he drives to their next stop, Ukrop's.
It's noon, and Reedal is the only middle-aged man in a sea of senior citizens and young moms pushing carts through the store.
He picks up speciality items that fit Tyler's diet, then makes a second stop at a Food Lion to buy everything else.
How many times had he done the food shopping before he stayed home?
He laughs. "None," he says. "I used to have to call [Donna ] on the phone to ask where things are."
Once home, he takes Tyler inside and puts the groceries away. They pick up Tyler's toys together, then Tyler goes down for a two- to three-hour nap, giving Reedal some time for chores.
On this day, he arranges some flowers in a vase for his wife.
He reflects on his new life. It's not something he ever expected, but says he's lucky to have this time with Tyler.
"I think more dads should do it. It's fun. A lot of parents don't get to spend this much time with their kids. A lot of them drop them off at day care."
To reach KELLY HANNON: 540/374-5436 khannon@freelancestar.com
