Television life coach Rhonda Britten says that fear is the only thing holding people back from all the success and happiness life has to offer.
Britten, a life coach on the second season of NBC's popular daytime reality show, "Starting Over," helps the show's cast of six women overcome issues from obesity to broken relationships to learning how to be a single mother.
"This show is like no other show in the history of television," said Britten, who was visiting her sister, Linda Snively, in Stafford County last week. "We are changing lives on television."
Britten said the changes the women experience result from overcoming fear.
And Britten knows a few things about fear.
At 14, she watched her father murder her mother, then commit suicide on Father's Day.
"It took me 20 years to face my parents' death," she said. "From 14 to 34, I was lost, trying to be found."
Britten, now 43, drank, attempted suicide, and didn't know how to move forward.
"I always felt something was wrong with me," she said. "Then it came to me as my own revelation that fear was the problem. I started focusing on the fact that there was nothing wrong with me and I was just afraid.
"I started to realize that I was trying to fix something that wasn't broken, and instead, I should try to love it. That's when things started falling into place."
She said her transformation started simply, with a decision to write down five acknowledgements (acknowledging something about herself) and five gratitudes (about other people) each day.
"When you do this, you are taking responsibility for the risks you take in life and acknowledging all the beauty in life," she said. "It starts shifting your mind-set. You become empowered."
Britten said it wasn't until she began attending and running grief support groups that she realized that what had changed her might also be able to help other people.
She said she just told group members what worked for her. People tried similar things and came back asking for more.
"What happened is, it worked," she said. "I started realizing maybe I'd been given something that was for more than myself. I started realizing what I had to do. It was a very scary time."
Britten began training with a life coach who became her mentor.
Britten said a life coach is different than a therapist. Life coaches help clients move their lives forward, she said, whereas therapy helps people heal from their pasts.
"Coaching isn't about what happened before," she said.
Britten said a person's past is reflected in his current actions, so is addressed through coaching in that way.
Many people are in coaching and therapy simultaneously, she said.
Britten helped her mentor expand his business, then realized she'd like to start her own coaching practice.
She began setting up seminars, and spoke at public gatherings to generate interest in the seminars. Eventually she began taping her talks, then wrote her first book, "Fearless Living."
She also started the Fearless Living Institute, to help train others to be life coaches and to offer coaching through a variety of methods.
"The Fearless Living Institute is a place to be empowered, to find support as you change your life," she said. "There are groups, coaches, telecalls--different venues so that no matter how little time or money you have, you can find that support."
There are monthly memberships for about $18 that entitle people to calls, discounts on merchandise and classes and access to controlled areas of the Web site.
Since only six women are in the "Starting Over" house at a time, Britten said the institute is her way of making sure the same kind of help cast members get is available to others.
"I know what it's like to be alone, to feel like you're crazy. I get it," she said. "I don't want anyone to ever feel that way again. People can get help from people who understand."
The show has brought life coaching and Britten's Fearless Living Institute new attention.
Britten became involved last year, in the show's first season.
"I'm the only coach in the world who has ever changed lives on television," Britten said. Her show, "Help Me Rhonda," a similar show aired on British television for two years before "Starting Over" began. "I'm the only person who'd done what they wanted to do."
The show takes women out of their homes for a period of several weeks and brings them to the "Starting Over" house, located this year in L.A. During their stay, they get assignments from life coaches that help them move past their fears.
Britten said there really is nothing unusual about the kind of people who want to do their healing in front of countless television viewers.
"I believe there are certain people who, if they don't do it on TV, they won't do it at all. If they don't come clean on TV, they won't hold themselves accountable. They need to do something in a very public way to really change their lives."
She added that removing people from their regular world and secluding them in a house filled with constant support can make going home after the women "graduate" a challenge.
"The hardest day in the 'Starting Over' house is the day you leave. But you know that when you leave, you better be willing to reach out, get support. The people around you, though they love you, don't know what you've done. They're naturally going to treat you like they used to."
The women are coached before they leave the house on how to handle returning to the real world.
Britten said the show is popular because it helps people realize that life changes don't happen overnight.
"I think everyone sees themselves in one or more of the women," she added. "You recognize yourself and you want to understand yourself. It makes people realize they are not alone, there is help, and people really can change."
Britten's new book, "Change Your Life in 30 Days," will be released Feb. 8, 2005. Her Web site is fearless living.org.
"Starting Over" is holding casting calls for its current season. Producers will be in Washington from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. tomorrow at the Madison Hotel, 1155 15th St., N.W. Visit startingovertv.com for more information.