MyLine:Rants and Raves

Dieting craze can be crazy

By RYAN McGINNIS

Date published: 2/8/2005

YOUTH CORRESPONDENT

It's unbelievable how stupid and ignorant people can be these days. People will buy into just about anything--especially if they think it'll help them lose weight.

For some people, that seems to be the greatest problem in the world. Everybody's getting too darn fat.

As Lazy Boy mocks in his song "Underwear Goes on the Inside of the Pant": "We're in the middle of an obesity epidemic."

Really, people.

Things like AIDS, smallpox and other disastrous diseases deserve to be called an "epidemic."

Regardless of what we call it, though, it seems like everybody is too gosh darn lazy to lose weight.

The funniest thing that proves how lazy we can be is the slew of new diets that recently have emerged--South Beach, Atkins and the rest of these no-carbohydrate diets.

Anyone ever realize how unhealthy it is to not have carbs in your life?

The secret is just to take carbs in moderation--not take them entirely out of your diet.

It's called control, people.

Other things that are funny testaments to our laziness are these pills that allegedly help us lose weight and get muscle tone.

What's more redundant than having Anna Nicole Smith advertise for the diet pill Trim Spa? It's obvious she's undergone serious plastic surgery.

And how many people want to look like a skanky woman who filches rich old men out of their money?

Come to think of it, I'm going to have my own diet. I'll publish books, go on talk shows, infomercials, and make millions of dollars. It'll even have a snazzy title:

"Diet and Exercise."

If you want to lose weight and get in shape, don't get suckered into all these money-trapping schemes. They're just there to steal your money and make you unhealthy in the long run.

No one knows the long-term effects of the Atkins diet yet. Personally, I'd rather not find out--so hand me that block of cheese rolled in peanut butter, because then I'm going to go bike 20 miles.

RYAN McGINNIS is a senior at Colonial Forge High School.

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Date published: 2/8/2005