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Seeking a true-blue Stafford resident
Just who is a typical Stafford resident? Maybe it's a mix of old and new, North and South?

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Date published: 4/13/2005


IN AN EXCHANGE of e-mails last week, a friend from Port- land, Ore., sent me a list of observations about the Pacific Northwest attributed to comedian Jeff Foxworthy.

You know the kind I mean.

You might be from Oregon if you think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists.

Or, you might be from Oregon if you think the state flower is mildew.

Anyhow, being the resourceful--and desperate--columnist that I am, I started compiling a list of what it means to be a resident of Stafford County.

And I hope this is just the beginning. If you would like to contribute, e-mail your ideas to the address at the end of the column or send a note to me at 616 Garrisonville Road, Stafford, Va. 22554. I'll include the best responses in a future column.

OK, with apologies to Foxworthy (who has made a pretty good living doing this kind of thing, by the way), here's my list.

You might be from Stafford if:

You think of Fredericksburg as a suburb of Falmouth.

You don't need a menu to order at the Paradise Diner.

A recurring debate at family reunions is: "Who's the greatest American--James Monroe or Bill Munroe?"

Your grandmother has a "Semper Fi" tattoo on her biceps.

You know at least 10 ways to prepare crabmeat.

You think that the county's unofficial mascot is a plastic pig.

You can explain to visiting relatives the difference between Virginia and North Carolina barbecue.

You know how to pronounce Chopawamsic, Accokeek and Aquia.

Your pet Labrador retriever is named "Chesty."

You can give directions to Passapatanzy.

You have tried to throw a stone across the Rappahannock at Ferry Farm.

You know more people named Sullivan and Newton than Smith or Jones.

Your favorite artists are Gari Melchers and Palmer Hayden.

You have accepted the fact that the Falmouth stoplight will always win. There's no point in getting mad anymore.

You've hit a ball into the water on hole No. 5 at the Gauntlet golf course at Curtis Park.

You know how Crow's Nest got its name.

You have Napoleta Pizza on your speed dial.

You do a good portion of your Christmas shopping at Hartwood Winery.

You have something by Mark Newton in your CD player.

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