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IF THEN WAS NOW, imagine how we might fight World War II. Encum- bered by all the politically correct hucklety-buck, sensitivity training, and ACLU horse droppings, here's how some news synopses from yesteryear might read.

Guadalcanal, August 1942: Today, Adm. William F. (Bull) Halsey issued a retraction of his controversial statement, "Kill Japs, kill Japs, kill more Japs." Despite the fact that the Japanese have never signed onto the Geneva Convention; are routinely torturing, starving, and beheading American prisoners; and were involved in countless suicide attacks, Adm. Halsey said he was misquoted and that he would never be insensitive to the Japanese, who have such a rich and venerable culture.

A spokesman for the admiral later said that someone had written down what the admiral said in shorthand and had gotten it wrong. What Adm. Halsey actually said was: "Gentlemen, we must do everything possible to expedite the mortality of our noble foes."

Monaco, French Riviera, July 15, 1944: A U.S. Army spokesman here at the European Command Detention Center vigorously denied that copies of "Mein Kampf" had been abused while interrogating members of the SS Death's Head Division. Maj. Solomon Rosenberg, a former German officer now serving the United States, said that he and his men made sure that every SS man had his own copy of "Mein Kampf," and that reports that U.S. personnel had blown their noses on the book were entirely unfounded.

"Some of the Jewish soldiers here may have given the book a dirty look or two," the major said, "and we discourage that, but I assure you that all of our prisoners are served sauerkraut and beer every day and that we treat Mr. Hitler's book with all the respect due such a fine piece of literature."

Okinawa, April 19, 1945: The Greater East Asia Historical Foundation has called a halt to the American advance on the Shuri Line to limit damage to the historic Shuri Castle. The castle, which dates to the 1400s, has been fortified and occupied by the Japanese army, which has dug caves underneath the structure and is using it as a command center.

Despite this, and a total number of American casualties that is rising rapidly toward 12,000 killed with no end in sight, Gen. Simon Buckner ordered his troops to avoid doing any further damage to Shuri Castle.