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Tibby Middleton (left) and Barbara Kenny moved to Frederick, Md., to escape Virginia legislation they say is anti-gay.
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Tibby Middleton (left) and Barbara Kenny left Fredericksburg and moved to Frederick, Md., to avoid Virginia's anti-gay legislation. |
Barbara Kenny and Tibby Middleton's lives have been filled with change in recent months.
They packed up their Fredericksburg townhouse in April. They left their friends, their church and Kenny's mental-health practice, and moved to Maryland.
And the women, who'd spent 40 years together very quietly, suddenly became the face of gay rights in Virginia.
The longtime Fredericksburg-area residents decided to leave Virginia after an addition to the state's Affirmation of Marriage Act became law in July 2004.
It says that people of the same sex can't enter into legal agreements "purporting to bestow the privileges or obligations of marriage."
The law could be interpreted to mean that legal arrangements same-sex couples make to protect each other--such as medical directives and wills--could be called into question.
Kenny has a brain aneurysm, and because of that, the couple were afraid to stay in Virginia to see how the new law would be interpreted and enforced.
A year ago, a 38-minute documentary about the law and the couple's decision to leave was screened at the local Unitarian Universalist Fellowship. It was made by the couple's friend and fellow church member, Suzanne Moe. Thousands now have seen it in churches, universities and gatherings around the country.
Kenny and Middleton have been featured in newspaper articles, online blogs, and recently as the cover story of The Washington Post Magazine.
On Dec. 10, the one-year anniversary of the documentary's debut in Fredericksburg, it was shown to the couple's new congregation in Frederick.
"That date was our goodbye to the life we'd lived for decades," Middleton said. "It became here, one year later, our major introduction to the people here in our church and the community."
Middleton said their move has been a blessing for their family. Middleton spends more time helping with her granddaughter and 70-year-old sister. Kenny has done a lot of work at Middleton's daughter's home. The thought of setting up a new practice in a town where she knows so few people was too overwhelming.
None of it has been easy. Both women are 66, and neither wanted to uproot their life in Fredericksburg.
"The last thing I wrote to a friend was that I hope all the things we've done will change the laws in Virginia so we can go home again," Kenny said. "This just isn't home. I'm not sure it ever will be."
Nothing is familiar about Frederick. They've had to find new doctors, new places to shop, new restaurants, new paths for their near-daily walks.
"I do try to remain positive that we will find a life here. That we will find some people to share our lives with," Middleton said. "But we talk about it all the time--if the laws in Virginia became humane and supportive, we would seriously try to find the strength to move back."
And their quiet life is no more.
The women, who'd never been activists--never even told many people they were a couple--were so timid initially that they asked that their last names not be used in the first story about them in The Free Lance-Star. They feared repercussions.
But now they have shared their lives and their struggles with countless people who've seen the documentary or read about them.
"With all the publicity, we've both felt like drawing the curtains and peeking out, wondering, is it OK? Is it safe?" Kenny said. "And other than some of the blog sites, people have been wonderful. But I think that fear remains. I think it will be there for a long time."
The pair said they've learned a lot from their experiences over the past months. Kenny said both women are survivors.
Middleton said she's through hiding who she is.
Both say their relationship has strengthened.
"We're wonderful together, even given all these stresses," Middleton said. "We're tighter than ever. We are great and strong together."
But they're trying to figure out where life will take them next.
"In this place and time now in history, we feel like we're the 'poster gays,'" Kenny said. "I almost feel we owe it to the effort to continue on, working toward equal human rights. But I also want to paint and walk in the forest. Maybe it's not an either/or situation. Maybe there's some balance in between."
Meanwhile, in Virginia, the political climate hasn't changed. In the upcoming General Assembly session, legislators will again vote on a proposed constitutional amendment that would ban gay marriage or same-sex unions by any other name. It could come before Virginia voters as soon as November 2006.
Locally, Kenny and Middleton's story has galvanized people who want equal rights for the gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender community. And Moe's documentary is used as an educational tool.
On Jan. 14, Kenny and Middleton will celebrate their 40th anniversary.
They plan to go to their new favorite restaurant--an Ethiopian place in Frederick. Then they'll go to the Weinberg Center to see "Dr. Zhivago." In a strange coincidence, it's the first film they ever saw together.
"It's like the universe keeps handing us these little gifts," Middleton said. "It says to us that it's been tough, but we're going to be OK."
The DVD "Barbara and Tibby: A Love Story in the Face of Hate," is available at sumoe.com/lovestory.
To reach LAURA L. HUTCHISON:
Email: lhutchison@freelancestar.com
