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IRST COMES LOVE, then comes the registry.
Give or take an engaged couple, about 95 percent of brides and grooms create a wedding registry of some description, says Ginny Chilton, a wedding planner in the Fredericksburg area for 18 years, and owner of Weddings by Ginny.
The trend is national. Newlyweds married a year or less reported registering at an average of 2.5 retailers, according to New York-based retail analyst The NPD Group.
It's hard to find a store that doesn't offer gift registry for weddings, babies--even birthdays. But although couples spend a lot of time creating wish lists, only 33 percent of wedding gifts come from a couple's registry, according to The NPD Group.
Traditional couples go with crystal, china and cookware, while more adventurous couples might ask guests to defray the cost of their honeymoon to Tahiti or make a donation to a charity. Couples entering marriage for the second time, or with established households and plenty of flatware, are registering at home-improvement stores like Lowe's and Home Depot, Chilton said.
So what's a guest to do? Stick with the list, or rebel? Is it okay to defect from the registry?
First, you have to find the registry. More couples are heeding the advice of Peggy Post, etiquette authority and great-granddaughter-in-law of Emily Post, who advises couples not to enclose registry information with the invitation. Rather, it should pass by word of mouth.
Ask a close relative of the couple or a member of the bridal party. If you don't know any of these people, get creative. Check the Web sites of nearby department and home-furnishing stores.
If nothing on the list inspires you, or there's nothing in your price range, you should feel free to give a gift of your choosing, Post wrote in a recent Wedding Channel.com column. In fact, non-registry surprises often become the most cherished gifts, she said. Plus, you have plenty of company: Two-thirds of American wedding guests are following their intuition on gift-giving.
Still, think before bolting. How well do you know the couple?
If you are a close friend or family member in the loop on wedding plans and want to do something unique, consider paying for part of the wedding itself, Chilton said. She's seen guests pay for flowers, photography, the bride's veil, even the cake. Other guests give an experience: a certificate for a free massage or a day at a spa.
If guests are not as familiar with a couple's tastes, choosing something from the registry or giving a gift card is popular, Chilton said.
Either way, "We've seen less gifts brought to the reception hall," Chilton said. "I think they're giving shower gifts ahead of time, or they're sending gifts to the home. But we're also seeing a lot of cards. The card boxes have been pretty full lately."
Bob Whittingham, owner of two downtown Fredericksburg home-furnishings stores, Whittingham's and The Kitchen at Whittingham's, has offered gift registry for 12 years.
People often add a small personal gift to go with a registry item, Whittingham said.
"I find a lot of customers will find out what the gift registry is and get a feel as far as the look and whether it's white or lots of color," Whittingham said.
If a customer sees that a couple has registered for place mats, they might add napkins as an extra touch, he said. Or combine a few gifts from the registry.
So don't feel pressured if you're one of the estimated 295 million wedding guests in 2006.
In the end, Post writes, gifts are just that: a voluntary choice.
There is no correct number of registries, so you can't have too many lists from too many stores. Post advises couples to include gifts in a range of prices. This could mean adding items as people purchase gifts, she said--there's a reason that $900 rug is the only thing left.
Register at stores that have an online and a physical presence. If you pick a nontraditional registry--such as a garden center, camping store or travel agency--register somewhere traditional, too, for guests that might be uncomfortable contributing to your sea kayak fund.
To reach KELLY HANNON:
Email: khannon@freelancestar.com
