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Food for every palate

July 19, 2006 12:50 am

H E : SAY YOU HAVE house guests.

She: No, say you have a lot of house guests, as we occasionally do. And they all have different temperaments when it comes to food and drink.

You've got a strict vegan.

You've got teenagers with appetites so voracious they'd cheerfully eat golf balls, provided there's enough ketchup on them.

You've got a wine connoisseur--an authentic one who isn't just trying to razzle-dazzle when he affectionately describes a "lemony acidity" and a "fine, fennel-like finish."

He: You've got a 4-year-old for whom potatoes touching meatloaf is a national disaster, and everyone within earshot will be loudly alerted to the insurmountable crisis.

She: You have a food adventurer who is seeking to go where no man has gone before--"Bat tonsil confit with a hemlock reduction sauce? I'm in!"

He: You have a young adult for whom, yeah, the food's important, but where is the hot nightspot?

We're going to walk--and drive--you through a long weekend of hosting, from Thursday night to Sunday afternoon. The goal is to please everyone at least once and still blissfully avoid doing any actual cooking.

Our plan follows, and we're mentioning only restaurants we've reviewed in the past year.

She: First, gas up two cars, because there will be some splitting up here and there. Line up a pair of comfortable shoes, for our plan involves some hoofing. If you like, tuck a charge card in your pocket, for all of the places mentioned below accept plastic.

The first stop can be done before your plague of lovable locusts descends on Thursday evening.

Go to Virginia Barbeque and pick up a takeout order of a suitable number of their "family special"--a pint each of pork barbecue, baked beans and coleslaw, along with four addictively fluffy corn muffins and four buns. Let your house guests pick away at these Southern favorites as they settle in for the weekend.

He: The next morning, Friday, load everyone into two cars and head off to the Retro '50s-inspired 5 & Diner, where Elvis is still king. Scratch that. Kids are king, and any crises involving a 4-year-old's pancakes touching the hash browns are handled with aplomb. Meanwhile, the adults can fuel up on he-man helpings of suitably dinerlike breakfast fare and no-frills coffee that's refilled faster than you can say, "Cuppa joe."

She: You are in the capital of the country of Rampant Consumerism: Central Park. Those who like to shop need look no further for a way to spend the day. The other car you brought is to ferry the history-minded out to the battlefields west of town.

A good spot to regroup for lunch is Aztlan , a family-friendly Mexican establishment in the Spotsylvania Towne Centre complex. There you can dig into mountainous nachos and sip mean margaritas.

He: An alternate choice for lunch would be Central Park's Bridges Brick Oven, where genuine New York-style pizza reigns supreme, but there are also salads for the vegetarians and the calorie-conscious.

If the shopping extravaganza is still going on by nightfall, it's time to appease the more adventuresome diners in the group at Sunset Thai , also in Central Park. The caramel-like undertone of the Thai iced coffee lingers, and the sesame sauce served with the beef Thai sticks has enough torque to satisfy anyone's spice craving. Pray to the dessert gods that they have the creamy, appropriately sunset-colored mango cake on hand.

She: Now it's time to cough up the keys to one of the cars to the single adults in the crew, for it's Friday night and the popular nightspot Bailey's Pub & Grille lies yonder, its polished beer taps twinkling in the fashionable gloom. Everyone else can go home and collapse.

Bailey's Newcastle Brown Ale beer-cheese soup, served in a toasted bread bowl, is an unusual choice for a bar nosh, but I recommend it. I found the meaty chicken wings above average, although the flavorful garlic version might not be a good choice for anyone in a mood for mingling.

He: Saturday is for kicking around downtown Fredericksburg on foot.

Gentlemen, relax: Although the decor is decidedly feminine, you don't have to crook your pinkie just so when breakfasting at Tea Tyme & What Nots . The vast selection of freshly brewed teas will astound, and the youngsters will revel in the fancy hats that adorn the hat tree. Try teaching the kids the veddy, veddy British pronunciation of extraordinary--"Straw'd'n'ry!"--as they sample their first scones.

She: Lunch. So many choices, so little time. If you've got a vegetarian or a vegan in the group, downtown favorite Sammy T's, the restaurant that brought bean sprouts to the 'Burg, is a can't-miss proposition. Carnivores will find dishes to suit their palates, but Sammy T's extensive menu is specifically keyed to careful eaters.

Among my favorites of the many fresh, crunchy choices is the Jordan, a pita stuffed with spinach, cucumber, tomato and tabouli.

He: An alternate lunch choice: A trek to Sunken Well Tavern, near the revamped Sunken Road historic site, would reward the urban hikers with smug satisfaction about all that healthful exercise. Which can promptly be counteracted by platters of three melt-in-your mouth mini-cheeseburgers and the finest beer-batter onion rings in town. I'd say the finest on the planet, but I've not tried all the onion rings on the planet. Yet.

She: Dinner. It's time for the adults to treat themselves with a visit to the unpretentious but impressive Poppy Hill Tuscan Kitchen, where a few steps down to a subterranean level lead to ribbons of fresh, homemade pasta and a worthy wine list. There's vegetarian lasagna for the health-conscious and a meat-rich bolognese sauce for the not-so.

This is the only non-wheelchair accessible restaurant on this list, but there is al fresco dining on the sidewalk above.

He: Another possibility for dinner downtown is Jake & Mike's, whose frequently changing menu once netted me a beautifully presented bone-in pork loin so tender that a loud sound would have made it collapse. Jake & Mike's also offers an extensive wine list.

She: An alternate plan of attack for Saturday is to take a walking tour of downtown Culpeper, where a healthful lunch can be found at Ala Heart Cafe. The quirky grape-broccoli salad and the piquant wasabi potato will likely elicit such comments as "I never would have thought about putting those ingredients together!"

Then prepare yourself for a peak culinary experience at Foti's , which I suspect is an Italian word for "heavenly." The restaurant is owned and staffed by veterans of the celebrated Inn at Little Washington.

My experiences at Foti's can best be summed up with a question a dining companion posed to a server there. "Is by any chance," he asked with a straight face, "God in the kitchen?"

He: It's now Sunday, and your house guests are. Still. There. Thanks to Foti's, they're making noises about staying permanently.

You can try starving them out by skipping breakfast. If that doesn't work, play the good host and treat them to a farewell lunch at Lucio , also in Culpeper and well worth the drive. Lucio's escargots, served with wedges of crisp, roasted polenta, remain memorable, as does the buttery veal piccata.

She: When you leave the restaurant, give everyone a hug, say it's been an absolute joy having them, you're sure the crayon marks the kids left on the wall will wash off, and don't worry about the broken antique lamp, you never liked that old thing anyway. Then go home.

He: To your nice, clean kitchen.

Nancy Dearing Rossbacher and Stephen W. Sylvia publish a Civil War magazine together. She likes to cook. He likes to eat. To reach Rossbacher and Sylvia, e-mail them at
Email: editor@nstcivilwar.com.