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Kristen Cloke (Leigh), Mary Elizabeth Winstead (Heather), Michelle Trachtenberg (Melissa) and Katie Cassidy (Kelli) star in Glen Morgan's 'Black Christmas.' |
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black christmas (R)During its long, slow slide into jingle-bell hell, Glen Morgan's routine remake
The first film was a seminal forerunner of early stalker classics like "Halloween," but this version feels as stale as old gingerbread.
It didn't have to be this way. Morgan and producer James Wong created some of the best "X-Files" episodes, and their "Final Destination" films offered a few witty jolts. Even "Black Christmas" begins promisingly, with characteristic Morgan/Wong cheekiness.
On a silent, snowy night, serial killer Billy Lenz (Robert Mann) is determined to escape the local insane asylum and head home for Christmas. Thanks to a carefully sharpened candy cane, he's on his way out the door before the night guard can rethink his decision to enter a crazed lunatic's cell with nothing more than a flashlight for protection.
As it happens, Billy's former home is now a sorority house, in which a clutch of students (including Michelle Trachtenberg and Lacey Chabert) are celebrating the holiday with their den mother (Andrea Martin, one of the sisters in the original film).
Here's where things go wrong. Billy breaks in, the girls are summarily murdered, and we start checking our watches and wondering why we didn't stay home and rent the original.
Not only does Morgan--who also wrote the screenplay--drop both the visceral madness and the sexual charge of the first version, he can't even hold on to his own sense of caustic thrill. The characters are forgettable, the scares grow increasingly generic, and the setting is never exploited (though the actors are, so viewers looking for the requisite shower scene will get their money's worth).
Despite its potential, this "Christmas" feels drained of life long before the killer gets his slash on. Even a decent gift is useless if you forget to include batteries.
Rated R for strong horror violence and gore, sexuality, nudity and language. [RF]
--Elizabeth Weitzman
New York Daily News
