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LEFT: Perhaps Denise Richards is having an adverse effect on hubby Richie Sambora's creative output--or perhaps Bon Jovi is just jealous. - |
FROM HERE TO PATERNITY
As the rest of the columns clamor to bring you a whole bunch of confusing nothing concerning Anna Nicole Smith , I'll just leave with you with a brief summary.
Anna Nicole Smith is dead, most likely from a deadly combination of methadone and Slim-Fast, if the contents of her fridge prove anything.
The hunt continues for the true identity of the father of her child--will the real baby's daddy please stand up! This has brought out cockroaches from all over the world, from her sleazy lawyer to Zsa Zsa Gabor's own husband.
Presumably they all want a piece of that TrimSpa money, or, more likely, her pending pay-out from the old guy she was married to.
Everyone keeps overlooking the obvious tried-and-true method for determining a father: It's usually the one who denied it from the beginning. Trust me, it's like, an allegory in the Hollywood Bible or something.
VEILED FROM THE MEDIALast year, Brad Pitt gave an interview in which he claimed he and Angelina Jolie wouldn't get married until gays and lesbians could legally do the same. Translation: I like free milk and I'm not in the cow-buying business.
Unfortunately, he couldn't escape the pressures from Angelina's mother. According to Thebosh.com, it was Marcheline Bertrand's dying request that her daughter marry Brad. The two reportedly married in Costa Rica on the beach with an unknown number of guests and no known pictures or descriptions of wedding attire.
Talk about a waste of a wedding. How do you know your marriage will last if the world isn't able to scrutinize it for you?
So, how could news of the world's hottest marriage fly under the radar? It's probably because Angelina hasn't shown up to red- carpet events with vials of Brad's blood around her neck, and there were no reports of a ritual chicken sacrifice near the wedding site. Perhaps she's grown up from her Billy Bob Thornton days, or she's realized that adoption agencies frown upon things like that.
GIVING LOVE A BAD NAME
According to Glitteratigossip.com, there's trouble in home-wrecking paradise for Richie Sambora and Denise Richards .
It seems that Denise has fallen out of favor with Sambora's band leader, Jon Bon Jovi , due to the large media attention that follows the couple and, consequently, the rest of the band. He also thinks she's really annoying.
Richie may have to kick Denise to the curb if he wants to stay in the band, says one insider: "Bon Jovi the band is, literally, just Jon Bon Jovi. Everyone else is an employee, like a member of staff."
Ouch! So, there may be a diva showdown between Jon and Denise. I'm endorsing a battle to the death, as neither of the two is relevant anymore. (Build as many habitats as you want, Jon--your newer stuff still rots.) My money's on Jon, though. He did survive the '80s.
TAKE THAT, PROZAC
Msn.com reports that Robbie Williams , the greatest superstar ever, has entered rehab in the U.S.
While no one should be surprised at his battle with excess (word on the street is it's antidepressants), an eyebrow should be raised at his decision to treat over here.
There's no indication yet if this will be the serious rehab center where they make you cut off ties to the outside world and actually work through your issues, or if it's the Lindsay Lohan variety where you basically use it as a place to store your stuff and take disco naps while your condo is being renovated. Regardless, all the best.
Bassey Etim-Edet is a student at George Mason University.
