W HEN YOU
But it's not my favorite sports teams that have upset me the most recently.
It's well-made feature films about fathers.
Let me explain.
Ever since my son was born in May, my wife has cringed at news reports or TV shows depicting violence or hardship involving children of any age. So we turned off "Grey's Anatomy" the other night when the camera focused on a frightened child.
Cable news shows are also nonstarters if they speak of abduction or traffic fatalities involving minors. Medical-mystery programs are the exception to this rule, but only so long as everyone gets well in the end.
On the other hand, this kind of stuff doesn't bother me. I don't look for Jackson to be involved in a newsworthy catastrophe, though I am glad to sign him up as a baby actor in "Grey's" if they pay enough, despite the fact that I'm actually partial to "ER" in the Thursday-night hospital wars.
No, I have to fight back the tears when I see movies about fathers encountering difficulty rearing and providing for their children. That problem is scarier to me because it seems so much more real.
Will Smith's "The Pursuit of Happyness," while it has a happy ending, was especially troubling. A scene in which Smith's character, Chris Gardner, and his son, played by Smith's real-life son, spend the night in a subway bathroom because they're homeless was one of the saddest things I've ever seen.
I also recently ran across the 2001 flick "I am Sam," in which Sean Penn portrays a man with the intelligence of 7-year-old who has to fight for custody of his daughter because authorities don't believe he can properly care for her.
Now, my family is not homeless, and no one is trying to take my son away. But these scenarios seem a heckuva lot more possible for the everyday parent than does a gruesome story that would lead a national newscast.
Indeed, the more plausible a story is along these lines, the more frightening it can be for a parent, my friend Terry Diebold told me. She's the parish associate at my church and the founder of the Center for Family Counseling in Fredericksburg.
She said that what I have experienced is something that most parents go through but don't talk about.
"It's that sudden understanding of your responsibility, and it's also the overwhelming love that you have for that child," Diebold said.
For example, Diebold never feared air travel until her first child was born. Then, she didn't want to fly because she would become anxious about what would happen if she was in a plane crash. What would become of her child?
Most people with these worries eventually come to an understanding that they can't necessarily be with their kids 24 hours a day, so they just have to prepare the children as well as possible and realize that they can't live in constant fear.
When this realization occurs depends on the person.
"I think everybody has to reach their saturation point," Diebold said.
Conversely, if this common anxiety becomes a daily ordeal, that's when it's time to get help from
"Anybody can turn an ordinary worry into an obsession," Diebold said.
Especially when they're all of a sudden saddled with taking care of another vulnerable, fragile life.
As Diebold said, "Becoming a parent is such a huge step, and it changes everything."
Jonathan Hunley is a columnist and new dad to a baby boy. jonathan.
Email: hunley@gmail.com