After a bad MTV appearance, Paris gets a three-week break. FABRICE COFFRINI/AFP/Getty Images View More Images from this story Visit the Photo Place

Column

Hilton learns prison hospitality; Justin versus the hooligan; MTV DJ nearly 'scarred'; and Hollywood couples curb their enthusiasm

Date published: 6/7/2007

PARIS SURRENDERS

This year's MTV Movie Awards was probably one of the best ever, if only for the big- screen shots of Paris Hilton fighting back tears as the entire stadium boos her and Sarah Silverman rips her apart.

Seriously, I replayed that portion at least 17 times on my DVR. Sweet, refreshing schadenfreude.

I'm sure you're all aware by now that Paris started her 23-day sentence early by checking into prison Sunday evening after the awards show. Here's some advice I picked up from my stay in County last week (apparently brandishing a weapon while asking a bank teller if you can borrow some money is illegal--fascists!):

Make friends with the largest inmate you can find. Bonus points if her name starts with "Big" as in "Big Betty."

Find the weakest fish and bite her near her liver, then calmly ask for some fava beans and glass of Chianti.

Keep your head down and just imagine that you're in rehab with all your friends. Only, you'll be doing group showers while they're doing group sharing.

BUSTIN' TIMBERLAKE

No one would ever accuse Justin Timberlake of being a man's man--or any man at all. (Reference his episode on "Punk'd." Cry much, Justin?) So it comes as no surprise that he recently got himself into the losing end of a hotel brawl while touring in Europe.

ABC Eyewitness News online reports that JT and his fling du jour, Jessica Biel, were at a hotel bar in Manchester, England. Justin left Jess to retrieve something from their room, and while upstairs in the hallway, he was accosted by an unknown gentleman. This riffraff began hurling abuse at JT, and the two got into a row.

The incident ended with the man chucking a Coke bottle at Justin's face, and several reports state witnesses at the bar observed Justin returning to Jessica with a cut above his eye. (I'm assuming it was a glass bottle.) No word if charges were pressed against the assailant or if he was given a national medal of honor.

MINNILLO MELTDOWN

I know that after a long, hard day working for the man I like to invite my girlfriends over, break out the Ginsu knives and take pictures as we pose provocatively--right, ladies?

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Date published: 6/7/2007