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ColumnParis goes from jailbird back to social butterfly? Cameron promotes communism; Eva and Tony hit the jackpot; and Lindsay trades booze for (roller) blades Date published: 6/28/2007
THE LIBERATION OF PARIS OK, so Paris Hilton is out of jail. Remarkably, I'm ambivalent. The gossip media seem eerily quiet; it's hard to muster up tasty fodder when a celebrity is released from prison. It's almost as if everyone can sense the beginning of the end, and, all of a sudden, Britney Spears exposing herself for the gazillionth time is interesting again. Columnists are struggling to remember whom they used to write about before Paris and her crew showed up and roofied our hearts. We're all hoping she doesn't use her recent experience to do anything foolish, like start a charity or find religion. Instead, we're collectively crossing our fingers that she will start a fashion line inspired by her prison stay. Perhaps she can call it "Jailbird" or something equally cheeky. Doesn't that sound better than de-worming orphans in some Third World country? The world is full of Angelina Jolies who bring name recognition to serious global issues. What America really needs is a tall, blond heiress with a slightly lazy eye to guzzle champagne and hop behind the wheel of her 2008 Mercedes or accidentally-on-purpose make out with her BFF-du-jour's boyfriend, father or AA sponsor. These are the kind of mind-numbing scandals that allow us to escape our mundane lives and stop focusing on our own families, politics, wars and social injustices. Seriously, Paris, the world needs you. SOMETHING ABOUT MAO However, someone the world--specifically the people of Peru--can do without is Cameron Diaz. In another example of why celebrities should stay out of political issues and focus on their craft, C.D. was able to offend the entire country of Peru by a sporting a simple fashion accessory. People.com reports that while Cameron was exploring Machu Picchu, she carried a cute little green messenger bag with a red star and some Chinese wording that translated as "serve the people." Harmless enough, right? If you're in China! Apparently Cam's tour guide forgot to inform her that the slogan would remind Peruvians of a Maoist insurgency in the 1980s and '90s that left almost 70,000 people dead. Way to go, Cameron! That's almost like wearing an "I heart Christopher Columbus" T-shirt to an Indian reservation.
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