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Tiffany Lowe consoles her foster child Carter, 9, yesterday at her house
Tiffany Lowe plays with her adopted son Grayson, 1, while Carter, 9, works on his civics homework yesterday at Lowe's home in Spotsylvania County.
Peyton Lowe, 14, (far left) plays with her adopted brother, Grayson, 1. Tiffany Lowe (not pictured) is in the process of adopting Easton, 8 (center) and Carter, 9. The Lowes have fostered 13 children through Fredericksburg Social Services. |
This year, the Lowe family won't be plucking angels off the Salvation Army's angel tree.
They used to provide Christmas presents for children listed on the tree to teach their own kids the importance of giving to the needy.
But then Tiffany and John Lowe did more than just adopt kids for the holiday season. They picked up some permanently.
The Lowes became one of 19 foster families with the Fredericksburg Department of Social Services.
The agency will hold an event tomorrow to celebrate the families who adopt children through its foster system. Social workers also hope to raise awareness so they can find families for nine Fredericksburg children who are waiting for an adoptive home.
In her pre-adoption days, Tiffany Lowe, now 42, pictured her future straight out of a Pottery Barn catalog.
She was well on her way there: a military husband; two fair-haired, blue-eyed kids--a boy and a girl; and a house filled with antiques and other nice furniture.
Now, the couch is from eBay, the table from the Ikea discount section and the walls are covered with an extensive Pez collection, kids' artwork, daily schedules and scrapes in the paint.
The children have grown by three--two biracial, one African-American..
They won't be featured in the pricey home decorating catalog anytime soon. But Tiffany says reality is much better than her fantasy.
A DIFFICULT YEAR
The Lowes moved to Spotsylvania County three years ago and wanted to help children without families. They had volunteered with Court Appointed Special Advocates in Texas and thought about continuing that work.
They couldn't find the area CASA and headed to the Fredericksburg Department of Social Services to see how else they could help. The Lowes thought they might just provide temporary emergency care for foster kids.
They took in their first children about eight months after signing up. The trio of siblings arrived with a brown box each.
The middle child, a 6-year-old boy, crouched in a fetal position by the social worker's car.
The girl immediately ran to Tiffany and asked, "Are you my new mom?"
Tiffany's heart melted. She thought they'd made an instant family. She would later learn the question indicated severe attachment issues.
It was a difficult first year.
"It was like a tornado came in and ripped through our home," said Tiffany, who would sometimes break down while sorting socks.
The children were aggressive and destructive. The 6-year-old ruined every toy the Lowes bought for his first Christmas.
The two oldest children wound up in ChildHelp USA, a residential facility for troubled youth. The youngest went back to a family member.
Determined to keep the oldest children, the Lowes undertook intensive training.
"If you understand where they're coming from, how can you be angry with a kid who's just scared?" Tiffany said.
Social workers told the couple they'd have to find a bigger house. The children were starting to reveal sexual abuse from their first home, so each needed his or her own bedroom.
It was a terrible time for them to buy a house, but the Lowes found one. In the meantime, they kept taking in foster children.
They've had 13 in their home over the past three years.
"At the end of the day, with the right agency, the right training and the right attitude, it's wonderful," John said.
GIVING AND RECEIVING
The Lowes are now in the process of adopting two of those children: Carter, who came to them a year ago, and Easton, the boy who had crouched by the car when he first arrived.
This summer, they adopted Grayson, now a cheerful 16-month-old who loves to blow kisses, make faces and eat.
They got the call on the day Grayson was born. His mother was a drug addict and Social Services needed a family to take the baby.
The Lowes hesitated. Did they really want a newborn? What issues would he have from his mother's drug use?
They didn't wait long. That day, John rushed to Target to get a crib and a car seat.
They picked up Grayson from the hospital the next day. The Lowe's 6-year-old biological son, Madden, had named him after Dick Grayson, Robin's alter ego. He could be Batman to Grayson's Robin.
Fitting a baby into the house took some work, especially since Grayson needs physical therapy and neurologists.
But the Lowes fit it into their still-hectic schedule. The older children all play sports and the foster kids have therapists, mentors and tutors.
"We're on Plan B or even Plan C every day," Tiffany said.
But she manages to save a few hours every Monday night. That's when she helps train future foster families. It's her passion, as she has discovered that training makes the difference between a successful foster family and a failure.
She remembers her first training, when the teacher asked, "What do you have to offer a foster child?"
Tiffany felt a jolt of pride as she thought about the nice home, the love, the patience she had for the kids.
"What I didn't know," she said, "was how much these kids were going to give us, how much they were going to teach us."
Amy Flowers Umble: 540/735-1973| ABOUT ADOPTION DAY
National Adoption Day began eight years ago as an effort to promote adoptions from foster care. The day's goals include:
Finalize adoptions from foster care in all 50 states Celebrate all families that adopt Raise awareness about foster children waiting for adoption Encourage others to adopt from foster care Build collaboration among local adoption agencies, courts and advocacy groups. |
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513,000: Approximate number of children in foster care in the United States
114,000: Foster children available for adoption 3: Years the average child waits for an adoptive family 21: Percent of kids available for adoption who wait five years or more for a family 8: The average age of a child waiting for a family 24,407: Children who reach age 18 without an adoptive family 19: Current foster families through the Fredericksburg Department of Social Services 20: Foster children in the city with the goal of permanent adoption 9: Foster children available for adoption who are not in an adoptive home --nationaladoptionday.org and Natalie Newton, senior social worker at Fredericksburg City Department of Social Services. |
| LOCAL CELEBRATION
The city of Fredericksburg's Department of Social Services will celebrate Adoption Day with a ceremony starting at 9:30 a.m. tomorrow at the city's Circuit Court.
Nicholas Hosmer's adoption will be finalized and Anne Holton, the wife of Gov. Tim Kaine, will talk about the importance of adoption. A trolley will then take families to Fredericksburg Baptist Church for lunch and activities. |
