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By Kim Baer

Unusual meal schedules Holiday dinners are often held either mid-afternoon or late in the evening. All three experts agree that it's OK to either feed the children ahead of time or bring a snack. Senning also recommends making sure younger children have had a rest or nap before heading out to a night event. Table manners Children 4 and older can master the basics of good table manners, the experts say. They all recommended practicing with a few fancy meals beforehand. Make it festive by dressing up and lighting candles. The Emily Post Institute's Web site has a downloadable place setting you can use to really get things right. Go over the essentials: Using utensils properly; keeping napkins in laps and asking for serving plates to be passed, Ricciardi said. Remind children to thank the cook at the end of the meal, Dern said. For older children, introduce more social skills, Senning said, such as making eye contact. Try not to just rattle off rules. Talk about why these manners make sense. Picky EATING Dealing with a picky eater is trying. The experience is amplified with an audience. A parent can encourage their child to try at least one bite of new things, Ricciardi said. But if your child is going through a phase where he wants to eat only crackers and peanut butter, go ahead and pack that for the dinner, Senning said. A big family dinner is not the place where you want to try to change eating habits. Be sure to let the hostess know ahead of time. An example: "Jimmy is going through this phase and this is all he'll want to eat." If a relative makes a snippy comment, stay positive. A possible response: "We're working on this at home, but I don't want to bring that into our dinner tonight." If you do find something on the table that your child will eat, make a point of noting it. For example: "Jimmy just loves mashed potatoes, so I'll make sure I put these on his plate." SHYNESS ISSUES Children 3 and under are often shy in new situations. Remind the child to say hi, but if he continues to hide behind your leg, don't make a big deal of it, Senning said. You can say hi to Aunt Cindy for your child and acknowledge "we're working on introductions right now," Senning suggested. Parents can bring a small toy or game with which the child can play with other children, Ricciardi said. You could also give the child a job, such as opening the door or taking coats, she said. Gracious gift receiving Talk to your child about showing equal enthusiasm for each gift received, Dern said. The child should thank the person right after opening the gift, if possible. Ideally, the child should come up with a specific use for the gift, Senning said. For instance: "Thank you for this jacket, I know it will keep me warm." But sometimes, the most basic thanks works best: "It was so nice of you to think of me." If your child either frowns, or says "I don't like this," it's damage-control time. This isn't the time to discipline, Senning said. Do your best to help your child out of the gaffe. An example: "I know this isn't a style you've worn before, but wasn't it really sweet of Grandma to think of you?" If a child can't thank the giver in person, a thank you note must be sent. Try to make this as fun as possible. Have special papers, stickers, pens, glitter glue and stamps on hand. Let the children pick out their papers and decorate their cards. Most thank-you notes are only two to three sentences. The child should thank the giver and state what he'll do or has done with the gift. Another fun idea, from Senning: Take a digital picture of your child wearing or playing with the gift, then e-mail it to the giver with a short note. cheek-pinching relatives Receiving hugs and kisses from unfamiliar relatives can be difficult for 2- and 3-year-olds, Senning said. Prepare your child. For example: "Grandma is going to be so excited to see you, and we know she'll want to give you a big hug." If you have a shy child, prepare Grandma, she said. Let her know that it might work best to start slow and build up to hugs and kisses. Older children should also be warned ahead of time, and encouraged to grin and bear it, Ricciardi said. Party etiquette First, make sure a child is invited to the party. Generally, the invitation should include the child's name or say "and family." If it doesn't, it's an adults-only affair. If it's a family party, make sure the children arrive on time, wipe their feet and greet their friends and then the parents, Dern said. When it's time to leave, make sure they thank the parents and the friend. By 4 or 5, a child should be able to handle a proper greeting: When greeting an adult for the first time, the child should face the person, look the person in the eye, offer a handshake and say "nice to meet you," then the person's name, she said. Practice proper greetings with family members, friends and stuffed animals, Senning suggested. If making eye contact is too scary for your child, tell her she can look at the person's nose instead. By the time a child is 6 or so, it's time to start helping her make small talk. Before the event, talk about the different people that are going to be there, Senning said. For example: "Mr. Jones will be at the dinner. Did you know that he once tried out to be a Red Sox baseball player?" Help your children think of things they can tell about themselves. For example: "I know Grandma would want to hear about your dance recital."

Date published: 11/27/2007

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