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J. Lo and hubby Marc Anthony are expecting twins to arrive.
Engaged Ryan Reynolds can expect a bitter Alanis ballad. |
J.LO'S GEMELOS
Though the economy may be heading south on a speeding train, it's nice to see that some people haven't been affected by a subprime mortgage or credit crunch. While your family is selling blood to make the next mortgage payment, Jennifer Lopez's unborn children are blissfully napping and preparing to be swaddled in luxuries you and I can't even pronounce.
The New York Daily News reports that J.Lo and hubby Marc Anthony had their baby shower in New York City, attended by fabulous celebrities bearing wickedly expensive gifts. Though mom is mum on the subject of twins, the decor was pink and blue, and the registry included separate matching outfits in those two distinctive colors. Items included a $3,495 carriage, a $560 jogging stroller and two $349 cashmere outfits (one pink, one blue).
With the twins ready to pop at any minute, J.Lo and Marc have reportedly dropped at least $40,000 on nurseries at several of their properties. All those fetuses need now is a pair of ridiculous-sounding baby names like Adidas Cristal and Cocoa Cola Lopez. If you're going to pimp out your kids for first photo rights, might as well go the extra mile and make them pay for themselves entirely.
PITTED AGAINST SHILOH
According to China Daily online, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt will be purchas--I mean, adopting another child in the near future. The confirmation came from Angie's brother, who stated that the couple intended to select a girl from another African orphanage to form a bond with their Ethiopian daughter, Zahara.
You know, I've laid off Angelina for a while because she's really trying to be a good person. But since when was it OK to treat your biological daughter like a red-headed stepchild? So poor Shiloh doesn't even count as a sister because she happened to be born in central air conditioning?
Maddox and Pax will have each other, and Zahara and the new kid will be BFFs. I'll be surprised if they even allow Shiloh to eat at the dinner table versus under it--chained to a leg.
Maybe there's a market for unwanted gorgeous celebrity babies. Shiloh would fetch a pretty penny from some desperate young couple willing to love her like she wasn't an accident.
NOT THAT INTO HER?
I wonder if it's possible to petition a judge to bar people from getting married.
Say there was a hunk-tastic celebrity, for instance, Ryan Reynolds. Say Ryan got some crazy idea to live happily ever after with his girlfriend, Scarlett Johansson, and she was bored enough to accept. In my perfect world, three hundred of my closest friends and I could get an injunction to prevent this tragedy, because a single Ryan does a body good. A married Ryan could inspire riots in every hair salon across America.
The mere thought of such a single-Ryan world helps me sleep better at night, although it's heavily rumored Ryan and Scarlett are engaged. The New York Daily News says their reps are denying, but we all know that just means they're registered at Tiffany's and Pottery Barn.
ROCK STAR
As news unfolds about the tragic and untimely death of Heath Ledger, some fellow celebs are still going full-throttle to embarrass themselves and grab headlines.
According to TMZ, Amy Winehouse will not be entering rehab, despite the fact that you can probably YouTube a video that appears to show her doing crack--yes, crack. I mean, even Whitney Houston is above the rock candy!
MEAN SHEEN
And Denise Richards may have to find another way to keep her expensive creams and handbags--preferably over her ex's dead body.
Charlie Sheen refuses to grant permission for their daughters to appear in a reality TV show focusing on Denise as a single mom. I looked it up in a dictionary, and the word "mom" implies that Denise will need to have at least one ward present for taping--so unless she can trade Britney some Starbucks and a bag of Cheetos for one of her kids, Denise is out of luck.
Bassey Etim-Edet is a freelance gossip columnist in Arlington. Reach her at
Email: betimedet@gmail.com.
