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Losing a child to a senseless act of violence

March 6, 2008 12:15 am

AS A MOTHER, I could never fathom the loss of a child. I had always assumed my sons would bury me. I was not ready to lose my son to a senseless act of violence. On Jan. 20, 2006, the unspeakable happened. My 16-year-old son, Baron "Deuce" P. Braswell II, was murdered.

As a mother, I was not ready to envision my life without my son, and my son without life. When I saw my son, he was not warm to the touch; his body was cold. He did not open his eyes. I was not ready to comprehend that his heart had stopped beating. I was not ready to let him go. I could not believe that my son's life was taken away by a senseless act of teen violence.

I could not believe that I would never be able to hold him in my arms. I could not believe that I would never see his bright smile or hear his deep voice. I could not believe that my son was taken away by a senseless act of teen violence.

Words cannot express the pain I felt. I prayed to God for it not to be true. I prayed for God to let my son live his life, and take mine instead. I prayed for God to lift me from this deep despair, and for understanding.

Those first hours and days after Baron's death were unbearable. I sat in his room, holding his pillow, waiting for him to come in. He did not come. Myriad friends came to provide words of comfort. I gradually realized it was not a dream. My son had been taken away from me by a senseless act of teen violence.

CHERISHED MEMORIES

Baron was a junior at Courtland High School. He was a great student, superb athlete, son, grandson, nephew, brother, and friend to all who knew him. He was No. 5 on Courtland's football team. Baron epitomized the Courtland Cougars' team spirit.

Baron would have graduated last June. The Class of 2007 honored him on graduation day. I was grateful to receive Baron's high school diploma posthumously. The diploma and his class ring are enclosed in a special cabinet honoring him. He never saw these things, because his life was lost to a senseless act of teen violence.

I remember one of our last vacations, to Florida in December 2005. Baron was fitted for a tuxedo. He was excited, and looked so handsome. Baron's dad and I are divorced, but we're dedicated to our kids. Baron's dad and I were both engaged to be married, in May 2006 and June 2006. Baron was going to walk me down the aisle at my May wedding, and he was to have been best man in his dad's wedding in June.

As we ate dinner one night during that Florida vacation, I spoke to my sons about being safe and being aware that there are dangerous people in the world. My youngest son lightly said: "Mom, nothing's going to happen to us. We live in Fredericksburg!"

Baron, my eldest son, smiled. My kids thought I was a worrier. I will forever remember that moment, because 20 days later, Baron was murdered here in Fredericksburg.

On Sept. 29, 1989, Baron and I were blessed with our first son, Baron "Deuce" Braswell II. He was the first grandson on both sides of the family. He was a joyous, happy baby.

I realize that for the past 16 years I have been touched by one of God's many blessings. We will forever cherish memories of him in our hearts and minds. But we will never forget the physical and emotional pain and suffering caused by a senseless act of teen violence.

I have prayed to God for strength to endure the varied emotions brought forth during moments of grief. Myriad fond memories traverse my mind. Some memories provoke smiles and laughter; others cause tears and sadness. A void exists in my heart that only time and prayer will heal.

I was not ready to bury my son. I was not ready to endure a year of court proceedings for a murder trial. I was ready to celebrate upcoming birthdays. I was ready to see him graduate from high school and college, get his first job, get married, start a family, and be a productive, law-abiding citizen. I was not ready to visit him at his grave site. I wanted to see him full of joy and God's many blessings.

Jan. 20, 2008, was the two-year anniversary of my son's death. When crimes are committed, do the perpetrators ever stop to think about the impact of their actions? Do they understand the suffering endured by a family that has lost a child to a senseless act of teen violence?

TEENS, TAKE A STAND

Baron's younger brother is without his playmate, best friend, and confidant. I know that with time and prayer, the pain of my loss will begin to ease and the tears will be lessened. But I will never forget that through a senseless act of teen violence, my life has forever changed.

We must all understand that we are extensions of our family unit, and that violence affects the entire community. I hope that the tragic loss of my son encourages teenagers to make the best of their God-given abilities and abstain from destructive behavior.

We have to take a stand in our community against teen violence. We have to nurture the goodwill and spirit in our kids. We have to encourage respect in our homes and within our communities. We must begin in our homes, schools, and churches. We must teach our children at an early age the importance of love for themselves and love and compassion for others.

I will continue to honor my son's memory, and I am dedicated to taking a stand against teen violence.

I've organized the Baron P. "Deuce" Braswell II Run Against Teen Violence. It's designed to address issues of teen violence and its impact on the entire community.

Please join me, in association with Pratt Medical Center and the Fredericksburg Area Running Club, in taking a stand against teen violence. The third annual Baron P. "Deuce" Braswell II 5-k Run-Walk and One-Mile Youth Run Against Teen Violence will be held Sept. 27 at Courtland High School. There will be a raffle for prizes, an awards ceremony to recognize the top runners, and guest speakers. Come out and unite with us in taking a stand against teen violence.

Gwendolyn S. Braswell-Nash is the mother of Baron Braswell II. She lives in Spotsylvania County.