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Andrea Springer Collins (left) and Kandyce Morris, 11, ride the Frog Hopper at FunLand in Central Park.
Andrea Springer Collins (right) helps Kandyce Morris, 11, pick out prizes during a Big Brothers Big Sisters outing - |
Nearly a year ago, Kandyce Morris woke her mom up at 2:30 in the morning.
"You lied to me," the preteen accused her sleepy mother.
Kathy Guilliams rolled over in the bed she shared with Kandyce's younger sister and tried to figure out what had happened.
Unable to sleep, Kandyce had turned on the computer, got on the Internet and typed in her father's name. She learned he'd been arrested on drug charges and sent to a federal prison in West Virginia.
Kandyce, a quiet 11-year-old who likes to keep to herself, might have sensed something months earlier when her dad made an emotional conversion at his mother's church.
Perhaps she felt undercurrents in the adults' hushed conversations. Her dad had gone to prison the month before, and her mom tried to protect her by not telling Kandyce.
Something was up
But Kandyce has been a daddy's girl from birth. She shares her father's brown eyes, smile, birthmark on the right thigh, shy personality and love of hair styling.
Before he went to jail, her dad had moved to West Virginia. Still, Kandyce had seen him every weekend.
But after his arrest, she hadn't seen him. She knew something was going on and was determined to find out.
Once she did, Kandyce's anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorders grew worse.
She worried about her father almost constantly.
"She worships her daddy," Guilliams said. "She wakes up talking about him. She goes to bed talking about him."
But Kandyce didn't want to talk about him being in prison. Already extremely private, she withdrew even more.
Her schoolwork suffered.
And at school, kids teased her when she brought in a photo of her dad, dressed in tan prison garb.
SOMEONE TO TALK TO
Kandyce couldn't stop worrying about her father. And Guilliams couldn't stop worrying about Kandyce.
She loves her 3-year-old sister, but she'd always wanted an older sibling, someone to talk to.
So Guilliams brought Kandyce to Rappahannock Big Brothers Big Sisters. Typically, the mentoring program has a 60-child long waiting list to match volunteers with kids needing a mentor.
And someone like Kandyce can be a tough match, said Andrea Springer Collins, a recruiter for the agency. The preteen has some learning disabilities and Guilliams said she would be picky about any mentor chosen for her daughter.
But Kandyce didn't wait long for a match, thanks to a program aimed at mentoring children with parents behind bars.
HELPING KIDS AT RISK
The agency received a federal grant in October to mentor children of prisoners. The United States Department of Health and Human Services gave grants to 144 groups throughout the country, including the local Big Brothers Big Sisters.
Director Lisa Bales said applying for the grant was an easy decision.
"It's all about mentoring, and that's what we're all about," she said. "We want to help these children. They're suffering from the impact of the incarceration of a parent. They're at greater risk than any other kids out there."
The grant gives the agency $300,000 over three years. The group expects to serve 300 children with the money. Right now, 76 children are matched in the program.
Typically, the mentoring program has more children than volunteers, but so far it's the opposite for the prison mentoring program. There are more volunteers than children.
The agency feared volunteers would shy away from inmates' kids, but they've taken on the challenge, said Donna Boyd, project manager.
SPREADING THE WORD
She attributes much of the success to Springer Collins, who recruits volunteers. The part-time employee taps churches and civic groups, taking any spare moments to sing the praises of mentoring--sometimes literally.
She has sung at churches to get them interested in the program.
"I'll sing to get the message across, but I'll only dance if I have to," Springer Collins said.
She mostly tells likely volunteers to start small.
"How do you eat an elephant?" she asks at presentations. "One bite at a time. Well, we can't solve world hunger, but we can help one child at a time."
She took her own advice when she heard staff members talking about Kandyce. Springer Collins works, raises two children and attends graduate school. She didn't have a lot of free time.
But she used to teach special ed. And she knew she could handle Kandyce's learning disabilities.
She became Kandyce's big sister two months ago. They've gone ice skating, played games at FunLand and gone shopping since then.
The activities take Kandyce's mind off her father. Guilliams hopes the friendship will help Kandyce's self esteem, too.
And while Kandyce usually warms up slowly to strangers, she took to Springer Collins immediately.
"She's very fun," Kandyce said. "We have fun together."
Amy Flowers Umble:
Email: aumble@freelancestar.com
| 2 million
children in the United States
with a parent in state 8 years average age of child 5 times how much more likely 41 percent of children of inmates ages 12-18 have been suspended from school. 38 percent of children of inmates 2-4 hours per week
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| The Rappahannock Big Brothers Big Sisters is looking for volunteers to mentor children. To help with the children of prisoners project, volunteers attend extra training to deal with related issues. Anyone ages 18-70 can volunteer. Mentors go through reference and background checks prior to volunteering.
For details, call the agency |
