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Losing a spouse early 'almost too big to handle' WHERE TO SEEK HELP
When someone loses a spouse young, online and local support groups can help them heal
Date published: 7/20/2008
By KIM BAER Cheryl Sutton's husband, Randy, died of esophageal cancer in September. The 42-year-old Spotsylvania County resident and mother of two said she knows friends and acquaintances are trying to help when they tell her how well she seems to be handling it. Still, she sometimes can't help but think: "What do you expect? I'll be curled up in the fetal position at the bus stop?" Diane Ebenal was widowed five years ago at age 38. In the days and months after her husband Doug's death at 47, the Fredericksburg woman heard kind words from friends and family. But the mother of four also dealt with well-intentioned but insensitive advice, she said, such as "you're young, you're pretty, you'll remarry." Both women have found help with their grief--and understanding from those who've been there--through local and online support groups. A UNIQUE GROUP It's particularly important for young widows and widowers to seek each other out, bereavement coordinators say. Unlike older widows and widowers, the young and bereaved are unlikely to find others in their social groups who have faced similar losses. Less than 7 percent of widows are men and women between the ages of 20 and 49, according to 2000 U.S. Census figures on ywbb.org, a Web site for young widows and widowers. Like losing a child, losing a spouse young can be devastating because it's out of the natural order of things, said Gloria Lloyd, bereavement coordinator for Mary Washington Hospice. "The younger ones have lost their future, all their hopes and dreams," Lloyd said. "It can feel almost too big to handle." While working through their own grief, they are also often helping grieving children, juggling full-time work and losing friendships. Older widows and widowers will often talk about how hard it is to adjust to an empty home. But widows and widowers with young children find just the opposite. "I never had five minutes to myself as a young widow," Ebenal said. YOUNG AND BEREAVED Support groups specifically for young widows and widowers have been started across the country to help meet their unique needs. While there are no groups just for them in the Fredericksburg area, widows and widowers of any age can find free support from the region's two hospice organizations.
Date published: 7/20/2008
More Resources available
(posted by
YankeeRN
, July 26, 2008 7:49 am)
It is too bad the FLS doesnt do a lot of research. There are many other resources for hospice bereavement in the community. MediHome Health and Hospice and Cuidado Casero Hospice and Vitas Hospice are all present in the community. Our bereaved need to know there are more options out there.
Thank God!
(posted by
ProudAFWife
, July 20, 2008 8:26 am)
Thank God there are folks like you helping eachother out through such a difficult time in your lives. My sister was widowed young - at 25, her husband died of a brain tumor. We tried finding groups, this was 10 years ago, and most of them in our area were for the elderly.
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