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Do state Republicans a favor: Vote Democratic

November 15, 2008 6:19 am

JOHN McCAIN is the best Republican, "the noblest Roman," as Winston Churchill called George Marshall--an honest-to-God hero unencumbered by egghead ideology. His defeat saddens me. I believe America lost a chance.

Under Staircase Wit, file my non-response to an affable Democrat who passed along Internet detractions of McCain by one of the pilot's military contemporaries. I wish I had replied, "Before this campaign is over, I expect to hear that McCain stole rice from his fellow POWs and Obama associated with a Pentagon bomber."

But once you get past the best, there are the rest, and, with some exceptions-- I think now of Rep. Rob Wittman--they bring to mind what Wellington said of his troops just before Waterloo: "I don't know if they scare Napoleon, but, by God, they scare me."

Heading any list of GOP lemons is, of course, George W. Bush, whose fealty to megabusiness is creating before our unbelieving eyes what FDR never dared: the rapid socialization of U.S. finance and industry. And let's not speak of the Argentina-class hyperinflation waiting just offstage.

But I'll leave the national scene to the punditry tribe's big chiefs. Let me talk about Republicans closer to home.

The last notable achievement of the GOP-run House of Delegates occurred in 2004 when 17 Republicans broke ranks to support a tax increase to boost education, health, and other neglected state obligations. This treason against right-wing orthodoxy is why Virginia is not currently known as Mississippi But With Smaller Cockroaches.

Otherwise, state and local Republicans in recent times have distinguished themselves by (a) kicking homosexuals in the private parts, (b) aspiring to execute more criminals, (c) kicking Hispanics in the private parts, and (d) leaving aside a Rube Goldberg funding mechanism for transportation that fell to pieces on its first road test, confounding public improvements. Meanwhile, to quote Hank Junior, the highway still ain't paved.

suburban shift

This agenda may well please residents of the boonies and subdivisions of a certain stripe (Troglodyte Acres, Attila Village, etc.). Overall, however, suburban sentiments have shifted since Election Day 2004, when I encountered the late Buck Jacoby, my lawyer and friend, at the Stafford YMCA. I suggested to Buck, the rare VMI liberal, that Bush would likely do well judging from the heavy turnout at my Spotsylvania voting station. "How do you know they were Republicans?" Buck asked. "Were their knuckles dragging the ground?"

In any case, rural Virginians and right-leaning suburbanites no longer make up a reliable GOP majority. McCain, for example, received under 54 percent of the vote in Stafford and Spotsylvania counties, places formerly as red as a floozy's lipstick. As Republicans have reduced governance to the tossing of viscera to the base, Virginia Democrats have ascended like rockets off a pad.

The state Senate, lost. The Executive Mansion, lost. Two U.S. Senate seats, lost. Virginia's 44-year-old record of going for the Republican presidential nominee, over. Judging by the catty rhetoric of the state Republican chairman--in spray form, this laddie's yapping would be called Voter-B-Gone®--it appears Democrats have taken over that post, too.

Now the Virginia GOP's last citadel is the House. Has it learned anything? Against Speaker Bill Howell's recent paeans to bipartisan cooperation, weigh the definition of a fanatic: "one who redoubles his effort when he has forgotten his aim." Howell is more sensible than his caucus. When the General Assembly convenes in January, I expect no significant departure among House R's from No New Taxes doctrine, whatever the public need.

The House, too, will fall. The only question is whether this will take one election or two, the answer depending in large part on how fast the Northern Virginia blue blob oozes south.

Whether the House GOP's--warning: abrupt metaphor switch--parachute never opens (2009) or whether House R's plummet a bit more slowly under a "Mae West" canopy (2011), the impact will be equally fatal. I say vote Democratic and get it over with, the better to hasten GOP reconstruction. I am quite fond of Howell and Mark Cole, may princes spring from their loins, but sometimes, to modify a bogus quote from the Vietnam War, you have to destroy the hamlet to save the village.

When total debacle shocks Republicans into intellectual reformation, I offer for party adoption a simple motto: Be competent.

Audie murphy not

Speaking of Vietnam, one reason for the ardency of my support for McCain, I admit, is that we fought in the same war.

OK, "fought" is stretching it. I fired my M-16 just once at a man. A few rockets came my way. My solitary "wound," a thumb sliced open on mess duty while opening a 25-pound can of peas, justifies no specialty license plates.

On Tuesday, when someone from my church thoughtfully sent the e-mail message "Thank you" to the parish's veterans, I could not tell a lie. What sacrifice? The Marine Corps basically gave me (a) free college under the G.I. Bill and (b) easy access to discounted beer and lithe and friendly bar girls.

Every Veterans Day, I make it a point to pause for a moment, close my eyes, and silently thank the American taxpayer.

I like this time of year. The cold mists make a cover feel good where a Jack Kennedy thatch no longer resides.

Ace Lawson, a newspaper compadre, complimented me the other day on my wide-brimmed felt hat.

"I got it at Sears," I said, "after the wife kicked me out of the house."

"Needed somethin' over your head, huh?" said Ace.

Paul Akers is editor of the opinion pages of The Free Lance-Star.