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Amber O'Baker and Prashant Sani celebrate their mixed-faith wedding in 2003. The pair are among a growing number of couples getting married who are of different cultures and religions. |
BY LAUREN ORSINI
It wasn't until after Malcolm and Danyella Avant got married that their cultural differences hit home in a big way.
"When my husband married me, he hoped I'd embrace Islam eventually," said Danyella, a Fredericksburg resident. "But our first year together, we celebrated Christmas!"
Though Danyella--a practicing Christian at the time--did convert to Islam, that first year was spent blending the two cultures.
"The most important thing that we had to realize in an interfaith marriage was that Christianity and Islam are both monotheistic faiths," Danyella said. "We had to focus on the similarities."
In America's increasingly multi-faith, multi-racial climate, more and more couples are opting to marry individuals not of their religion. And religious leaders in Fredericksburg have witnessed the increase.
Each denomination, however, has its own set of rules when marrying interfaith couples.
Hilal Shah, a member of the Islamic Center of Fredericksburg's board of directors, said couples must wed in a mosque for their marriage to be recognized in Islam.
"A couple can have their marriage taken care of in a courthouse or elsewhere, but then must have a ceremony in the Islamic tradition at the mosque," Shah said.
Shah said that Muslim men can marry "people of the book," meaning Christians or Jews, but it forbids Muslim women from marrying outside the faith since heritage is based on the man's bloodline.
Rabbi Devorah Lynn of Beth Sholom Temple in Stafford County said she often weds interfaith couples, with a few rules.
One of them has to be a member of the synagogue, or have close relations who are members, she said. She also does not allow anyone to co-officiate during the ceremony. She also wants some assurance that "the couple is seriously considering raising their children Jewish."
She also doesn't participate in multi-faith ceremonies.
"You're trying to fit a round peg into a square hole," she said. "That's not what I got ordained as a rabbi for. I got ordained to do weddings that will produce a Jewish home." Lynn said she doesn't denounce couples who choose to be married before clergy of different faiths.
The Rev. James C. Dannals, rector of St. George's Episcopal Church in Fredericksburg, said he works with couples as individuals, as opposed to their faiths.
"I don't consider whether they are Christians or not," he said. "If they are emotionally and spiritually compatible together, then I know their marriage and their children will be OK."
Dannals added, however, that to be married in the Episcopal church, at least one of the two people must be a baptized Christian.
Despite local religious leaders' general acceptance of interfaith marriage, Fredericksburg couple Lisa and Walter Crowder had a hard time getting hitched.
Walter is black, American Indian and Baptist. Lisa is Jewish.
"We had a hard time finding someone to marry us," Lisa said.
The couple were eventually married by a retired Navy chaplain in a Presbyterian church in Northern Virginia.
"I requested that the references to Jesus be removed from the ceremony," Lisa said. "It ended up being generic and suited both of us."
The couple have been married 17 years.
"Our marriage works because we respect each other's beliefs and don't attempt to change them," she said.
Though Lisa and Walter both practice their own religions, their son is being raised Jewish. Even so, "We believe he has the best of everything," Lisa said. "He is exposed to different people, history, culture and customs, which makes him well-rounded and tolerant of other people and beliefs," she said.
Lauren Orsini: 540/374-5617
Email: lorsini@freelancestar.com
