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Mixed Messages Confuse

March 7, 2009 12:36 am

DOES YOUR DOG dog think her name is, "No! No!"? Do you shout, "Down!" when you actually intend to ask the dog to not jump up? Poor communication--nagging and sending mixed messages--creates relationship distress for dogs in our lives as well with humans who love us.

The Words of Wellness Web site (wordsofwellness.com) suggests specific ways to build better relationships with loved ones: "Be patient, avoid nagging, speak in soothing tones, practice forgiveness, and find something to laugh about every day."

Dog training requires patience and our belief that our dog wants to please. The family dog is not a small human who understands every word we utter. A few dog friends agreed to discuss ways their human companions confuse them, make them wonder what the relationship rules are, and leave them scratching their heads puzzling: "I thought I knew what to do, but I don't!"

Nikki Whiteaker, miniature schnauzer of Stafford County, wonders why behaviors that her owner encouraged and enjoyed when she was a pup are now behaviors that cause her mom to frown and fuss. Nikki says, "She let me pull on my leash and actually ran with me when I pulled hard as a puppy. What fun! Now that I am grown up my owner corrects and reprimands my pulling. I am confused. I also don't understand how many times my owner is going to say 'Sit!' before she really means for me to sit. Sometimes she says it five times and on the last 'Sit!' she yells the word in a tense voice. It would make more sense to me if she would take her hands and gently guide my bottom onto the ground to show me. Learning to 'Come!' is also confusing: She yells, 'Come! Come! Come!' Finally, I gallop to her. Then, I am punished for not coming fast enough. I have learned that coming when called is not fun."

Bernie Belyea, Bernese mountain dog mix from Stafford County, does not understand why rules that humans expect of him do not apply to the humans. Bernie says, "Recently my humans had a contest to see who could jump highest off the ground. I am not accustomed to the humans jumping at all! They spent months teaching me to keep all four feet on the floor."

Apple Spangenberg, golden doodle from Fredericksburg, cannot understand the rules when her owners take her outside to play, and yell, clap and encourage her to jump and bark. Apple puzzles, "Then they come inside and shout 'No!' when I bark with the ruckus the humans make clapping and yelling at the football game on television. What's up with this clap and bark one place but not another?"

Honey Ellis, Labrador retriever of Caroline County, wonders "Why it is not considered bad manners when humans constantly wake up the dog, but the dog gets in trouble when she wakes up the humans? My mom is constantly moving from room to room, busy sorting items and cleaning up. I follow her diligently because that is a good dog's job. No sooner do I settle onto my bed in the room Mom is working in, then off she goes to another room. Why are the humans so very busy? How can a nice dog get a nap watch after their owners?"

Socks Felts, a beagle mix from Spotsylvania County, cannot "understand why Mom fusses when he and his canine family entertain themselves with a jolly whole pack barking session since our owner is allowed to sing loudly with the radio any time she pleases. How come she can make all of that racket, but we can't?" Gus Felts, Socks' shepherd mix brother, wonders, "Why, after Mom gives me a teeny piece of food she is eating, does she send me away with a firm reprimand if I ask for more? She says I am 'begging.' I say I am politely waiting for her to give me a follow-up to the first little bit that she wanted me to have. And, just why is it that sometimes we dogs are asked to lick a plate and sometimes licking a plate unasked will land you in trouble?"

Charlie Hollenberger, golden doodle from Spotsylvania, questions how to act when company arrives, explaining, "My owner trains me all year that I must stay off the furniture. The minute Grandma arrives from Florida, Grandma invites me up on the couch so she can 'give me some grandma love.' Fun, but confusing."

Casey and Emmy Reamy, English springer spaniels of Fredericksburg, require clarification with their job descriptions, complaining, "We are responsible for protecting our parents and our yards from marauding squirrels, lizards and other scary creatures. We bark and chase them away and receive profuse praise for our bravery. Why is our same protection work disciplined when we go out walking on leash with our parents? They still need protecting from all those creatures."

Moose Rodenski, bull dog from King George County, wonders, "Why are dogs so easy to abandon?" Do parents realize they are teaching disrespect and cruelty to their human children when they bring a tiny, defenseless, adorable puppy home, enjoy him until they rub the newness off him, and then discard him like he was a broken Christmas toy? Moose listened to children cry and whine endlessly. He endured hands pulling and tugging his ears and paws even when he longed for a puppy nap. As Moose grew bigger, stronger, more able to avoid inconsiderate children's abuse, his family decided they did not want a dog after all. They called his breeder to give him back. His crime? In reality, Moose wasn't a stuffed toy to play with on demand and then toss aside. Lucky for Moose his breeder pledged to him the day he was born that she would safeguard his life until the day he departs this world. A dog is lucky to have a breeder like that to love him. Still, Moose learned that many humans can't be trusted.

Dogs wait patiently for gentle, consistent leadership. Celebrate the miracle of communicating clearly and affectionately with your dog. Say what you mean. Show your positive regard by consistent actions, tone of voice, and amount of time you spend with your dog.

Maya Angelou, writer and poet, urges, "If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love. Don't be surly at home, then go out in the street and start grinning "Good morning" at total strangers." Smile at the dog who loves you.

Sarah A. Ferrell of Spotsylvania County, author of "Devoted to Dogs: How to Be Your Dog's Best Owner" (available through abrohamneal .com or Amazon.com) runs Dog Manners and Obedience. E-mail her in care of
Email: gwoolf@freelancestar.com.