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Domestic violence common among teens, young adults

March 22, 2009 2:11 am

I DON'T PAY much attention to popular culture these days. But even if you're like me, you've probably heard about the Chris Brown/Rihanna abuse situation.

For those of you who haven't, Brown and Rihanna are a very popular rapper/singer couple who recently made headlines for all the wrong reasons after Brown allegedly beat Rihanna quite severely.

It's a horrible situation, but one benefit is it's bringing a lot of attention to the problem of intimate partner abuse.

Most victims of intimate partner violence are women, and since I'm a gynecologist, that is where I'll focus. But men can be victims of domestic violence as well and deserve the same support as women in that situation.

According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, 4 million to 5 million women are victims of violence each year.

The majority of victims of intimate partner abuse are between the ages of 16 and 24--Brown and Rihanna's age group.

A shocking 23 percent of pregnant women are victims of intimate partner abuse.

The physical, emotional, mental and economic consequences of intimate partner abuse are profound.

The best defense against intimate partner abuse is to never end up in that situation in the first place. Unfortunately, it's not always that easy.

TESTING THE WATERS

Many who find themselves in this kind of relationship (both the perpetrator and the victim) were exposed to abuse growing up--although it can happen even without that history.

The onset is often insidious. Most women wouldn't tolerate a man walking up out of nowhere and hitting them. And that's why it usually doesn't start that way. Abusers may start with verbal insults or emotional manipulation and abuse to "test the waters" to see how far they can go.

They may attempt to control a woman's every move and demand to know where she is at all times. Gradually cutting a woman off from her family and friends is another common tactic. If they can get away with these behaviors, then the problem escalates, and physical violence is often the unfortunate end result.

Once established, the abuse often takes on a cyclical pattern. An episode of abuse will occur, and the woman's response at that moment is often one of resolve to leave the situation. But that phase is usually followed by promises from the abuser never to do it again. And for a while, things may be OK.

But inevitably, the cycle works its way around to violence again, and the cycle goes around and around until something or someone breaks it.

LEAVING THE ABUSER

Victims of domestic violence need support to successfully break free from their situation. Friends and family--as well as associations that work to prevent domestic violence--are vital. Abusers know this, which is why they separate the victim from her support network.

Unfortunately, friends and family are not always as supportive as they should be. Even in this day and age, many in our culture believe that if a woman is in an abusive situation and she doesn't leave, then she must not really want to--or must somehow enjoy the abuse. I can't stress enough how incorrect this is.

Women are sometimes afraid to leave because threats may have been made against them, their children, their extended family or others they care about. A woman's self-esteem is probably very low by the time abuse really sets in, and she may not feel she deserves or can get anything better.

But, no one wants to be abused.

Supportive family and friends must be present every step of the way to help a woman in this situation get the help she needs and to resist being pulled back into the situation. Even if she does go back once, twice or even more, that doesn't mean that she won't eventually leave for good.

The support of friends and family may make all the difference.

Dr. Arlene Lewis welcomes reader comments and questions. She can be reached by writing to her at Free Lance-Star, 616 Amelia St., Fredericksburg, Va., 22401 or by e-mail at
Email: newsroom@freelancestar.com.