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The Paul Stefan Home consists of two houses that were refurbished
Shama Khan (right) takes care of bills and other paperwork while watching her 2-month-old baby, Aaliyah.
Jennifer Arnold feeds her son, Emmanuel, at the Paul Stefan Home in Orange. The home helps Arnold Leela Shorter tries to entertain her twins, Amon and Adonijah, while holding her baby, Saleigha, at the Paul Stefan Home. Shorter is a patient mother, caring for her three children while seeking a job and helping others run errands. |
BY ROBIN KNEPPER
Jennifer Arnold talks easily about her life before and after the birth of her son, Emmanuel.
"I know how my life looks," she says, "but this baby is giving me hope. I feel it's God's way for me and Jada and Makayla."
Jadalyn, 5, and Makayla, 6, are Emmanuel's sisters. They live in Stafford County in the custody of Jennifer's mother.
Arnold and her 8-month-old son are living at the Paul Stefan Home, a safe haven for unwed mothers near Unionville in Orange County founded by former home-builder Randy James and his wife, Evelyn.
Arnold arrived there after a difficult journey from a fast-paced life in Northern Virginia and Washington through the grief and turmoil of widowhood, drug and alcohol use, family disintegration, unemployment, major health problems and homelessness.
"I'd been living in a shelter in Manassas and I was almost five months pregnant," she says. "I was as big as a house and I could feel the clock ticking in my head. I'd been looking for a job, but I didn't look employable. I knew I wouldn't be able to stay for long in the shelter."
A nurse she knew from her visits to the health department suggested the Paul Stefan Home. Soon after, Arnold received a call from Patricia Newman, the home's clinical director at the time.
"She was so sweet," Arnold recalls. "She listened to me blubbering out my story. I kept saying, 'I'm bad, I'm bad,' and Patricia kept saying, 'I don't think it'll be a problem.'"
Arnold made an appointment and her mother drove her to Orange County for a look-see.
"We're driving down the road and I see nothing but land--and cows--and I lost my cell-phone signal," she recalls with a laugh. "Where's the Metro station or the bus stops? I wonder. How do people survive out here?
"The baby's kicking and I have butterflies in my stomach. We drive up to the house. I see Catholic symbols by the door, and that threw me off a little bit. I wondered if there were nuns here.
"But I knew right away: I could have my baby here and feel safe."
Seven babies and five mothers are now living at the Paul Stefan Home, which consists of two neighboring and lovingly renovated houses that sit on 70 acres of rolling green hillside in central Orange County.
The mothers there now came to the home needing a safe and supportive place during their pregnancies and while they put their lives in order after giving birth.
They include one Muslim, one Catholic and three who sporadically attend other Christian churches. One is in her late teens; the others range from 29 to 32. Three are American, one is from Central America and one is Pakistani.
Before they leave, they will have had access to education, counseling, job training, health care and legal assistance. They will have had help securing their next place to live.
They will know they were cared for and they will know how to take care of themselves and their children.
IN GOD'S HANDS
Randy and Evelyn "Evie" James established the Paul Stefan Foundation and home for unwed mothers as a memorial to their son.
Paul Stefan James was born on Dec. 13, 2005, and lived for 40 minutes without taking a breath. His heart beat while friends and family said hello and goodbye to him.
Numerous doctors told the Jameses that Paul Stefan had diaphragmatic hernia and could not be born alive. The doctors made numerous offers of late-term abortion.
But the Jameses, who have five other children ranging in age from 5 to 19, chose instead to let their son live as long as he could. "We put it in God's hands," they say.
They found loving support at their church, and named their son after two priests there at the time: the Rev. Paul Scalia, former parochial vicar, and the Rev. Stefan Starzynski.
Starzynski, now parochial vicar at St. Mary of Sorrows in Fairfax, continues his close relationship with the couple and is the spiritual advisor to the Paul Stefan Foundation.
The barrage of professional urging for medically sanctioned abortion hadn't sat well with the Jameses, who strongly support their church's stand against abortion. And the short life of their son spurred them to dedicate themselves to providing an option for pregnant women who feel abortion is their only choice because they have no home or support.
"We truly believe in our hearts that God wanted this," says Randy James. "He is behind the miracle of the Paul Stefan Foundation and the home. If we didn't think God was behind it, we would have faltered. It has to be fueled and powered by something greater than us."
Erin, the first resident of the Paul Stefan Home, still lives there with her son, Andrew, who was born Dec. 13, 2006, exactly one year after the birth and death of Paul Stefan James.
OVERCOMING CONCERNS
Evie James is the executive director of the home and is filling in as acting clinical director until the position can be filled. She, along with paid staff and plentiful volunteer assistance, makes sure the tasks of the days get done.
"The crux of the whole mission is to get access to resources for the mothers and babies," she says.
The home is the grateful recipient of the volunteer services of social workers, tutors from Germanna Community College, local parenting partners, Healthy Families of Orange and food pantries. It also gets free help on legal issues and fundraising, and grants to cover staff salaries.
Local physicians volunteer their time, and medical services are available through the state Health Department and the Orange Free Clinic.
Evie James and volunteers see that the mothers and babies get to appointments. Classes and support services for new and expectant mothers are available, and attended, in Fredericksburg, Culpeper and Charlottesville.
The support network reflects a significant change in local attitudes about the home. At first, the Jameses' plan created some community unease.
"The initial concerns voiced in the community were that Randy and Evie James were amateurs who were dealing with a vulnerable population," says Orange County Director of Social Services Bob Lingo
"It was understandably a struggle to get the home up and running," he continues, "but initial worries never came to pass."
When the Jameses first sought county approval for the home, Supervisor Teri Pace voiced concern about the cost to county taxpayers and suggested its services be limited to county residents. Restrictions were not imposed, and Pace eventually joined other supervisors in voting to approve the home.
Pace now calls the home "a positive and helpful resource" for both Orange County and neighboring localities. She notes that it complements programs such as Services to Abused Families and Rappahannock Legal Services, which are located in Culpeper.
Lingo says that kind of trade-off is important for small counties such as Orange that can't afford to provide a full range of services on their own.
Before the home opened, there was gossip on the street that because the Jameses were Catholic, they wanted to help pregnant teenage girls have their babies so they could be put up for adoption.
Nineteen mothers living at the home have given birth. Only one of the babies has been given up for adoption.
And, in keeping with national statistics, the mothers have seldom been teenagers.
A review of 2007 birth certificates by the National Center for Health Statistics showed that 40 percent of the 4.3 million children born that year were to unwed mothers. Of those mothers, 75 percent were in the 20s.
The promotion of abstinence, availability of contraceptives and legalization of abortion have combined to reduce the number of teen pregnancies. In addition, American attitudes have changed dramatically from the days when families shuffled off pregnant teens to homes for unwed mothers to avoid shame.
"People are willing to help the teenagers," says the Rev. Ernest Custalow, senior pastor of Grace Church of Fredericksburg. "Parents are stepping up. Between the church and the parents, the community offers support."
That support is often lacking for older women. The average age of residents at the Paul Stefan Home is 30.
"We take in the women who have fallen through the cracks," says Randy James. "They have other kids, they're living in shelters, have broken relationships."
"Some mothers come with unbelievable stories," adds Evie James. "People have failed them. It's often about breaking the chain of abuse and neglect, although they may not call it that. Many have been raised in an environmental where they don't know any better."
"The church's business in the world is to minister to the less fortunate," says Custalow. "Loving on them this way is a great way to do it."
A BRIGHTER FUTURE
"We all have our different stories," Arnold says, "but what we have in common is that we weren't in good places before we got here.
"We get a lot of help here and we pitch in to help each other. We watch each other's kids. You never hear a baby crying because of neglect. There are so many volunteers in and out, someone's always holding babies."
Arnold is looking into job possibilities in Orange and college classes in Charlottesville. She has filed the legal papers to regain custody of her two older children.
A year from now, she says, "I see myself in a nice little minivan with all my children, with a nice affordable apartment and busy being a mom who loves her kids and wants to take care of them."
Emmanuel takes a break from his enthusiastic sucking on an almost-empty bottle and smiles.
Robin Knepper: 540/972-5701
Email: rknepper@earthlink.net
| GETTING STARTED
The two houses that make up the Paul Stefan Home needed a lot of work. Randy James, a former home-builder, got the first one habitable in 22 days with help from fellow contractors. He finished the second one almost single-handedly. Furnishing and decorating were done by volunteers, many of whom attend church with Randy and Evelyn James. RESIDENCY RULESOriginally a two-year limit was set for mothers to live in the home, but the Jameses have found that each mother and child presents a unique situation. The first resident still lives there and will be able to stay until her particular needs are addressed. Other mothers have stayed a few weeks or a few months--sometimes longer. The average stay is about a year, said Evelyn James, but it depends on the individual needs of the new families. COVERING COSTSTransco, a transcontinental pipeline company with a local facility nearby, leases the 70 acres to the Paul Stefan Foundation for $1 It costs the foundation, of which Randy James is chief executive officer, almost $100,000 a year to operate the two houses. The main costs are staff and household expenses. Additional money is required to cover fundraising for the nonprofit foundation. While the foundation gets a little money from the United Way and local businesses, 80 percent to 90 percent |
| One of the Paul Stefan Foundation's most successful fundraising campaigns involves handing out empty baby bottles in churches. Parishioners fill them with loose change and return them.
This effort has gone high-tech with the introduction For more information, visit paulstefanhome.org and click on Baby Bottle Campaign. |
