|
Carol Anne Brown committed suicide. She would have been 19 tomorrow.
Carol Anne Brown was an accomplished rider.
A friend took this picture of Carol Anne Brown and gave it to her parents after her death. It was taken at Wintergreen Michelle and Todd Brown want to educate people about bipolar disorder. Their 18-year-old daughter killed herself. |
Todd and Michelle Brown could spend the rest of their lives in isolation, wondering if they could have prevented the suicide of their daughter Carol Anne.
Anyone would understand why they wouldn't want to relive the past 3 years.
That's when Carol Anne started to change from an outgoing cheerleader and honor student into a troubled teenager who drank excessively, didn't come home at night and was so irrational at times that she posted a photo online of herself smoking pot.
No one would blame the Browns for never wanting to mention the moment their 18-year-old looped a belt around her neck and hanged herself in her bedroom closet.
But they don't want their daughter's death to be in vain. They're willing to go public with her many accomplishments--as well as the bad decisions she made and the feelings of hopelessness she hid--because they don't want others to go through the same agony.
The Browns have vowed to educate people about bipolar disorder, the mental illness they believe Carol Anne had. It affects almost three of every 100 adults in the United States, according to the National Institutes of Mental Health.
Yet it often goes untreated because people don't want to admit they have "a bad kid" or a history of mental illness, Michelle said.
"We're not going to allow this to be brushed under the rug," Todd said, determination rising in his voice. "The best way I can find to make anything positive out of this is to bring this illness to the attention of the public."
TYPICAL REBELLION?
Carol Anne, who would have turned 19 tomorrow, died Easter Sunday. She hanged herself on Good Friday, in her family's Fawn Lake home in Spotsylvania County.
Her mother found her.
Rescuers were able to get her breathing again, and she remained on life support for two days, but her brain had been deprived of oxygen too long.
When Carol Anne's behavior first changed at 15, her parents thought it was typical rebellion. She was the oldest of three, and their first experience with teen angst.
"The last 3 years, it was total drama," her father said.
"She took on everyone's problems," her mother said.
As the behavior worsened, so did her drinking, and the Browns focused on ways to stop it.
They grounded her, took away her cell phone and cut out extracurricular activities such as cheerleading.
Nothing seemed to work.
"It was almost as if she didn't care about the consequences," Michelle said.
The Browns thought she'd improve if they got her away from kids they considered a bad influence, so they took her out of Riverbend High School and sent her to a reform school, then a private one.
"She wore us out," Todd said. "Her illness wore us out."
What baffled the Browns was the other side of Carol Anne, the girl who on her good days seemed to be able to do anything.
"This girl really had her act together in so many ways," her father said.
"Yet she was struggling so badly in so many ways," her mother added.
TORN BETWEEN TWO LIVES
Carol Anne saw various school counselors and was evaluated at the University of Virginia Medical Center in Charlottesville in spring 2008.
Bipolar disorder, also known as manic depression, was never mentioned until Fredericksburg counselor Terry Diebold saw Carol Anne last fall. One-fourth of Diebold's patients--and her own daughter--have the disorder.
As the Browns have learned more and found a journal Carol Anne wrote in 2007, they have come to believe her symptoms started at 15.
They were trying to get an appointment with a psychiatrist to get a formal diagnosis and medication when she killed herself.
"That's what's so tragic," Diebold said. "It takes forever to get in to see a psychiatrist here in town."
Bipolar disorder is hard to diagnose because those who suffer from it don't see their extreme behavior as others do, Diebold said. Patients deny anything is wrong or believe they can fix it themselves.
The disorder causes serious shifts in moods and behavior, with changes so intense that a person can't function, according to the Web site helpguide.org.
During an "up," or manic, episode, a person might make impulsive decisions, such as quitting a job or charging huge amounts on credit cards. As the mood spirals out of control, the person tends toward more risky behavior--speeding, doing drugs or sneaking out of the house, all things Carol Anne did--along with extreme irritability and anger.
During a "down," or depressive, period, the same person who survived on two hours of sleep the day can't get out of bed and experiences profound hopelessness.
Through Carol Anne's journal and conversations with her friends after her death, the Browns have learned how much their daughter struggled to be the person she wanted to be, but couldn't because of her illness.
Her counselor summed up those conflicting emotions.
"She wanted to be part of the family. She wanted to be the good big sister. She wanted to go to college, but then she faced this constant failure of achieving her goals," Diebold said.
Then, Diebold said, Carol Anne's mood would deteriorate to: "What's wrong with me? I can't get my s--- together, I'm gonna get wasted."
HELPING OTHERS HEAL
Family friend Frankie Gilmore, who runs the Culpeper Soap Box Derby, said most people never knew anything was wrong with Carol Anne. The Browns used to live in Culpeper, and still have their financial business there, and Carol Anne and her siblings raced in the derby.
Twice, Carol Anne's peers voted for her to receive the trophy for sportsmanship.
"People knew this beautiful, witty, intelligent, fun-loving young lady," Gilmore said. "Never in their wildest dreams would they have imagined that she suffered from depression."
Carol Anne's obituary spoke of her many attributes--her smile and her ability to accept people for who they were. It hailed her as an accomplished equestrian, lacrosse player and actress, a young woman who accumulated 300 hours of community service with groups that help animals and handicapped children, and whose organs were donated after her death.
Then the obituary mentioned something not found in most death notices--that "Carol Anne suffered from the destructive illness of depression and bipolarism."
The Browns encouraged others to seek medical attention for loved ones who suffer from "this dreaded illness, especially teenagers during these most fragile years."
The obituary has had a impact, said Gilmore. The Culpeper derby set up a scholarship in Carol Anne's name, and many who have donated to it noted that they never met Carol Anne.
They appreciated the family's openness because they have loved ones with bipolar disorder or who have committed suicide.
The guest book for Carol Anne's online obituary was signed by 119 people. One of every six said they didn't know the family, but thanked them for reaching out.
"It just sends shivers down your spine," Gilmore said. "The Browns have actually helped the healing of other families who have gone through this, and they don't even realize it."
'SHE'S AT PEACE'
The Browns aren't sure how they'll spread the word about bipolar disorder. Todd is ready to speak to any group.
He asks anyone interested in talking to e-mail him at todd@brown harrisinc.com.
He has already counseled several fathers, and tells them that tough love wasn't the right approach in Carol Anne's case. He wishes he had "coddled" her more, as her mother did.
He also wishes that, instead of demanding that she live up to her talents, he had told her the teenage years are stressful but times get better.
Todd and Michelle both have had moments when they're certain Carol Anne is reaching out to them. They hear a song about angels or heaven--or how much one person loves another--and are convinced their daughter is talking to them.
As long as they live, they'll ache for her presence, for the quick wit that caught everyone by surprise, for her smile that, on a good day, could light up a room.
The Browns draw comfort from their faith and the belief that she's in a better place.
"I know where she is now," her father said. "She's at peace."
Cathy Dyson: 540/374-5425
Email: cdyson@freelancestar.com
| Bipolar disorder, or manic depression, affects three of every 100 adults in America. Researchers believe it's even more prevalent, and that 75 percent of cases go undiagnosed.
Ten percent to 15 percent of people with bipolar disorder commit suicide.
More than 1,200 teenagers commit suicide each year. It's the third leading cause of death among those 15-24. Mental illness is the leading risk factor.
Nationwide, more teenagers die from suicide than from cancer, heart disease, AIDS, stroke, pneumonia, influenza and chronic lung disease combined. In Virginia, two young people a week commit suicide. --Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Suicide Prevention Resource Center, Virginia Department of Health, WebMD WHERE TO GET HELPCall 911 in an emergency. The Rappahannock Area Community Services Board offers crisis-intervention services 24 hours a day: 540/373-6876: Fredericksburg and Spotsylvania and Stafford counties 804/633-4148: Caroline County 540/775-5064: King George CountyThe USA National Suicide Hotline is staffed 24 hours a day: 800/273-TALK (800/273-8255)The National Hopeline Network also is staffed 24 hours a day: 800/SUICIDE (800/784-2433) |
|
It can be hard for parents Stomping and pouting after a punishment is normal. Disappearing for two days is not. Girls, especially, are prone to mood swings. But extreme fits of irritability that come out of nowhere and may lead to outbursts such Occasional drinking may be normal. Getting so drunk that the teenager passes out or has to be brought home by friends is not. Diebold urges parents to err on the side of caution and have their teens evaluated by a mental health professional if they show any signs of suicidal behavior. |
Another Virginia family whose son suffered from bipolar disorder and killed himself has a Web site dedicated to educating others about mental illness. It was started by Pat Myers, whose son, Justin, committed suicide when he was 20. Myers sent a letter to Todd and Michelle Brown after she read about the death of their daughter. : facesva.org |
