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Holley Klein's son, Jacob Klein, 11, has autism and is bipolar. The stress of his behaviors has led to various problems.
Marybeth Walburn, 4, has a form of high-functioning autism. She works on improving Unita Walburn of Spotsylvania holds daughter Marybeth, 4, who has autism. Raising a child with a disability is hard. The disAbility Resource Center will host a seminar Saturday to aid families. Daughter Rebekah, 2, is on the right. |
Insurance companies. School meetings. Tantrums in public. Rude strangers. Lack of sleep.
Ask the mother of a disabled child what stresses her the most, and she'll probably just laugh.
After all, how do you choose which is worst: the four-hour conversation with the insurance company trying to prove your child actually needs a specialist, the six-month wait for that specialist or the two-hour drive for the visit?
Which raises the blood pressure more: a screaming child at the grocery store? Or the woman in line who tells you, "That kid just needs a good spanking?"
Recently, more than a dozen parents of children with disabilities spoke with The Free Lance-Star about the stress they face.
"I didn't dream of the perfect world and a white picket fence and perfect kids," said Rachel Myers of Spotsylvania, whose 12-year-old son has bipolar disorder and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. "But I didn't have any idea that it could be like this."
This Saturday, the disAbility Resource Center will offer a workshop on reducing stress for caregivers. A grant from the Youth in Philanthropy group will pay for the event.
"It will give parents some insight into where the stress comes from and how to deal with it," said Kim Lett, a transition specialist at the center in Fredericksburg.
The event will feature a talk from a University of Mary Washington psychology professor, brunch and an exercise class.
Unita Walburn has the workshop on her calendar. Like many moms, she plans to come--if she can find a babysitter. They're in short supply for her 4-year-old daughter, Marybeth.
The preschooler has autism and needs someone to keep a close eye on her. Turn away for even a second, and Marybeth will jump from the windowsills.
"I don't know the adjectives to describe what moms of autism go through," Walburn said. "Every day, we get a workout, our backs hurt, our heads hurt and we are stressed."
In addition to the stress of caring for a child with "a lot of energy," Walburn finds the financial aspects challenging.
The Spotsylvania resident spends hours at a time on the phone with the insurance company. And most of her family's income goes toward medical bills.
For Walburn, it's extra important to deal with her stress. As a diabetic, she finds it affects her blood pressure. She uses humor, vitamins and yoga to reduce her stress.
Holly Klein, whose son has multiple disabilities, said, "I can't think of one thing that having a child with disabilities does not affect."
It has had an impact on her marriage, her finances and her health. It affects meal times, sleep, schoolwork and household chores.
"I don't feel sorry for myself. I don't feel sorry for my family. All families have obstacles, ours just happen to be multi-folded," Klein said. "It can be at times thoroughly exhausting, but at the same time I wouldn't have him any other way."
When the two-hour homework sessions get tedious, and the multiple doctors' and therapists' appointments a little too stressful, Klein reminds herself of just how precious Jacob is to her family. The King George County mom had nine miscarriages.
She finds time to decompress at the end of a hectic day by talking with her husband after Jacob goes to bed. And the couple makes time for their own biweekly therapy appointments.
"It's time to vent, time for ourselves," Klein said.
Ericka Morgan finds that spending time in nature helps her--and her 8-year-old son who has Asperger's syndrome. The Colonial Beach residents walk on the shore in the evenings and hike at Caledon and Westmoreland State Park on weekends.
The peaceful moments get the single mom through those other times: meltdowns, homework battles and the weekly hourlong drives for occupational therapy.
And Morgan also finds relief in online support groups--e-mail lists of moms who know exactly what she means when she writes about a bad day.
"It's just great to know there are other parents who live like this," Morgan said. "You have a totally different version of normal, you just do."
Parents of children with disabilities are more likely to get divorced.
They are also more likely to develop depression, diabetes, cancer, obesity and heart disease. And studies have shown caregivers' stress actually lowers immunity.
"We're all worried about what's going to happen to our kids and our families when we're not here, and if we don't take care of ourselves and our stress, it's going to be sooner rather than later," Lett said.
Amy Flowers Umble: 540/735-1973
Email: aumble@freelancestar.com
| WORRIED THAT THE DEMANDS OF CAREGIVING ARE IMPACTING YOUR HEALTH?
Signs include: sleeping too much or too little, gaining or losing weight, feeling tired most of the time, often feeling sad, frequent headaches or body aches, abusing drugs or alcohol. Some tips to relieve stress include: Eat a healthy diet rich in fruits and vegetables, try to get enough sleep, exercise, get regular checkups, find support groups, find respite care, pray, keep a journal, yoga and attend marriage counseling sessions. |
| WHAT: Stress Management for Parents and Caregivers of People with Disabilities WHEN: Saturday, 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. WHERE: disAbility Resource Center, 409 Progress St., Fredericksburg DETAILS: Event will feature Virginia Mackintosh, psychology professor at University of Mary Washington and Tennie Gratz, certified fitness specialist; brunch; and relaxation techniques CONTACT: Brenda Wickard or Kim Lett, 540/373-2559, by today. |
