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Tap into your potential by letting yourself dream

December 13, 2009 12:36 am

KIDS have big dreams. When we are young, our aspirations, or dreams, seem to flow easily from a vivid imagination.

As time goes by and years pass, sometimes that ability to dream gets lost, damaged or buried. If you identify with this, then my hope is with some encouragement you may be inspired to dream again.

When I was young, my best friend was going to be a brain surgeon, and I was going to be married to a movie star. I've always been a big dreamer and, even though I did not marry Donny Osmond, many other dreams have come true.

Nearly 10 years ago, when I started Riverside Counseling, I sat in my first rented office--a space no bigger than a walk-in closet--and wrote a business plan. Before I could even afford a computer, I wrote out on a pad of paper, under a section titled "goals," "I will own my own office building."

After renting several different spaces, I spent several more years dragging my real estate agent to countless commercial properties I could not afford to buy. Finally, about this time last year, the clouds parted and a foreclosure came available right across the parking lot from my rented office in Chatham Square Office Park.

A grossly neglected building with sagging ceiling tiles, holes in the walls and filthy carpets was my dream come true! After much effort in the purchase and even more in the renovation effort, Riverside Counseling now has a new home with eight beautiful offices and an awesome group of professionals to fill them.

So, I believe in dreams. But as a therapist, I've noticed many people resist dreaming. Why?

WHY PEOPLE GET STUCK

The fear of disappointment seems to be a big deterrent to dreaming. Is disappointment really something to be avoided at all costs?

I would argue that we have all felt disappointed before and survived. Why don't we just decide that if we dream and fail, we might be disappointed, but we will deal with it just as we have before?

Another reason people resist dreaming is that they believe they are not good enough to make those dreams a reality. Then again, you will never know if you don't try. Are we afraid that trying and failing would just confirm that we are a failure?

Fortunately, life is not a one-shot deal. It is packed with opportunities to succeed and fail and try again. Ask any person you think is successful about their failures and, if they are confident enough, they will be happy to share a story or two with you. But just like the feeling of disappointment, I assure you the feeling of failure--while uncomfortable--is not fatal.

OTHER OBSTACLES

Then there is the problem of being too busy to dream. Maybe you want to dream about having a more balanced life. Maybe you want to dream of a job that is less demanding or that leaves you fulfilled rather than exhausted. Maybe, you are just dreaming of having a job, period.

There is also the notion that dreaming is a frivolous activity, a waste of time, or something that is only for the rich or the gifted. On the contrary, dreaming is the beginning of achievement. You have to dream it before you can do it! Dreaming is for everyone.

Finally, there is the fear that our dreams may be unrealistic. Maybe you were taught to be very careful and not to be unrealistic. But dreams by definition are unrealistic. They are just an idea that with patience and effort, have the potential for becoming reality.

As T.S. Eliot once wrote: "Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go."

'TAKE THAT FIRST STEP'

So, maybe you would like to be more of a dreamer but don't know where to start. Try starting with a spirit of curiosity. What excites me? How good am I at this thing I've never tried but always wanted to? Can I win this contest or can I make that entry deadline? Can I find something that really inspires me?

Other things to consider:

Try imagery. Imagery is often used in coaching and success-building exercises. You simply create an image of your own success and call that image to mind when you feel discouraged or over-whelmed.

Imagine your art work in a gallery or on the wall of your favorite restaurant. One image that got me through my doctoral program was that of the graduation ceremony and the pomp and circumstance of my accepting the diploma. Ironically, I didn't even attend my last commencement, but the image of it as a possibility helped me make it through many late night study sessions.

Go ahead and start. Martin Luther King, Jr. once said: "Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase to begin, just take that first step."

Or, just try having fun with dreaming. I have no regrets about all those childhood hours spent writing fan letters to Donnie Osmond on my purple stationery with "puppy love" playing in the background. Dreaming is fun.

Making the dream a reality is only the last of many steps along the way. In fact, you might even feel a bit of a loss once the dream is achieved.

In conclusion, inside each one of us there is a reservoir of unrealized potential. When you dream, you awaken that potential. So I encourage you to give yourself a gift this holiday season. Indulge yourself in a dream.

Dr. Delise Dickard welcomes reader comments and questions. For contact information, see riversidecounseling .org.