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Resolve to change only what matters the most

January 3, 2010 12:36 am

BY MARCIA A. CHIDESTER

FOR THE FREE LANCE-STAR

Dave MacDougall has heard all the excuses from people who give up on their New Year's resolutions.

They didn't have enough time to make it work. They were too busy. Interest waned.

MacDougall, 47, doesn't buy any of them.

On Jan. 1, 2009, the Caroline County resident made a resolution to lose weight. For 365 long days, he exercised and gave up forbidden foods. He is now 70 pounds lighter. His wife, Annette, dropped 33 pounds.

"I work full time, go to school full time, run a business part time, clean the house and do the dishes," he said. "Truly, if I can succeed at New Year's resolutions, anybody can do it."

GOALS VS. MOTIVATION

According to a 2002 study published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology, 40 percent to 45 percent of Americans make one or more resolutions every year. Those promises-to-do-better focus mostly on health issues, including weight loss, exercise and kicking an addiction to cigarettes.

But for most people, motivation declines almost as soon as the resolution ink dries. Twenty-five percent of those who set New Year's goals give up within the first week. Thirty-six percent quit by the end of the first month.

But surprisingly, 46 percent are still going after six months.

How can you make resolutions stick?

First, understand why you want to change, says Marcia Grimsley, owner of Fredericksburg-based Life Coaching.

Are you bowing to society's pressure? Doing it to please your family? If so, your resolution won't last long.

Change only those things that matter to you, Grimsley said.

"Ask yourself, 'Do I really want to do this? Or am I being motivated only by what I, or others, think I should be?'" she said.

Kim Simpson, who lives in Spotsylvania County and runs a Web site devoted to helping people stick with resolutions, takes on only on those goals she's enthusiastic about, such as walking or trying new recipes.

"They are things I want to do, and that add value to my life," said Simpson, a small-business owner.

JOT IT DOWN, BUDDY UP

According to Grimsley, less is more when it comes to setting goals. Too many is overwhelming. Better to concentrate on only one.

After deciding on a resolution, research what you need to do to attain it. Then, plan easy-to-achieve steps.

Write your resolution down in a variety of places, including your desk, calendar, and journal, Simpson said.

"Put them in front of you to remind you," Simpson said. "Otherwise, resolutions get buried and you forget them."

Another way to succeed: get a buddy. Find someone to whom you can report successes and failures, said Simpson.

In 2005, Simpson started iresolveto.com and assembled a cadre of counselors, dubbed "resolutionistas," dedicated to helping herself and others achieve their resolutions.

Each has accomplished their New Year's goals and aim to help others succeed, too.

"They serve as inspirations," Simpson said.

SHARED COMMITMENT

In early 2009, Stafford County resident Bryan Jones and his wife, Lisa, became each other's weight-loss mentors. Together, they enrolled in a cycling class and changed their eating habits.

"We eat together, weigh ourselves every day, and keep a log of what we eat," said Bryan Jones, 48. "Doing it together has been what's kept us going through the whole year."

The schedule became so ingrained in Lisa Jones that when Bryan was recently away from home for two weeks, she stuck to their routine.

"It wasn't much fun without him there, but I never thought about skipping just because he was out of town," she said.

Moral support is so important to resolution-keeping that MacDougall offers to be a goal-success cheerleader to almost everyone he knows.

Did you weigh in at your desired weight? MacDougall will rejoice with you. Are you about to gulp down another piece of chocolate cake? He'll talk you off the fence.

And while he is forgiving of such infractions as eating a forbidden food, once the last bite is swallowed, it's time to move on with no regrets.

"You push yourself and get right back into the routine," he said.