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You asked for it, America. Jason Segel and Emily Blunt star in a movie about the benefits of hand-knit headwear. Unfortunately, a dullsville human relationship gets in the way.
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"THE FIVE -YEAR ENGAGEMENT" (R)
JASON SEGEL, EMILY BLUNT, CHRIS PRATT
There are funny moments sprinkled throughout this film about a couple's drawn-out path to marriage.
But they are so spaced out and separated by so many unfunny moments that this relationship feels like it takes 15 (or 25) years to get to the altar.
Jason Segel and Emily Blunt are interesting as Tom and Violet, who keep letting their careers put off the marriage they both want.
That's funny for the first half an hour or so, because the pitfalls feel like an amusing part of their silly path to matrimony.
But things take a decidedly unfunny turn when the couple move to Michigan, forcing Tom to give up his job as a chef so Violet can pursue her path to becoming a professor.
He grows long facial hair. He learns to hunt. He cooks all kinds of venison and brews his own mead. Chuckle, chuckle, chuckle.
By the time both partners turn to somebody else, moviegoers can't believe they hadn't bailed on each other years before. The audience can relate. Those watching won't believe any movie could taking this long to get where it needs to go.
The fact that Segel helped write this isn't a good sign. Perhaps someone else could have jumped in to note that things were taking way too long, with too few laughs along the way.
Rated R for sexual content, and language throughout. 124 min. [MC, RA, RF]
"THE RAVEN" (R)
JOHN CUSACK, ALICE EVE, LUKE EVANS
The extra half-star is probably a bit generous. It was only awarded because John Cusack can make some occasional magic happen, even in a mediocre film.
But Cusack's Edgar Allan Poe can't save this from being a dull slog of a story about someone bringing the author's fictional murders to life.
It doesn't help that all the sets and backdrops are dark and dreary, matching the mood set by a story that begins with promise.
We meet Poe and see he's a down-on-his-luck writer who's been given a major gift in life. He's in love with a beautiful young woman who may just manage to pull him back from the depression he's suffered since previous losses in love.
HOW WE RATE 'EM
H Don't waste your time.
HH Nothing special
HHHH A must-see