Donnie Johnston archive
12/26/2004:
Reflections on the year: Let's say goodbye and good riddance
Looking back at 2004--a year that brought some good, but more bad.
12/19/2004: D.C. baseball--so close, but so far
Field of Dreams comes a cropper
12/12/2004: Pharmacies' modern technology is a prescription for frustration
Modern technology is a prescription for frustration
12/5/2004: Speak up and give us poor reporters a break
11/29/2004: Feds to fund forest
Federal financing will help create state forest on Virginia's Middle Peninsula
11/28/2004: Acts of desperation deserve understanding, not rebukes
Most of us don't know--or choose not to remember--what it is like to be poor and alone.
11/21/2004: A hawk's squawk brings out the worst in a dove
Columnist tortures bird with political slogans.
11/14/2004: Everybody's looking to cash in at Christmas--except Santa
Santa Claus just can't win, no matter how hard he tries
11/7/2004: Health care is no bargain, unless patient makes it so
Medicine is business. Treat it as such.
10/31/2004: A flu outbreak that starts in the mind, not the throat
Just don't think about the flu and you probably won't get it.
10/17/2004: It's yet another typical autumn: Leaves fall, and Yankees rise
No surprises this fall.
10/3/2004: Virginia strikes out while District gets another at-bat
Richmond's lack of commitment costs state a chance to have team
9/26/2004: Don't be so sure you're not among terror suspects
Are you a terrorist? Check the list before answering
9/12/2004: Watching corn grow is must-see reality television
Watching corn grow is must-see TV
9/5/2004: Fleeing might not be the best option in a hurricane
Why jump out of the frying pan and into the fire?
8/29/2004: Where are the undecided voters everyone keeps talking about?
This election is about whether you're for or against Bush
8/22/2004: Is Caroline County still part of United States?
8/15/2004: The trick to making a good hire is to not get too tricky
Common sense is more important than education.
7/11/2004: Bringing Expos to Virginia would drive away gloom
Bringing Expos to Northern Virginia would be good way to brighten baseball's darkest day
7/4/2004: Hey, pal, smile and wave; it won't kill you
Transplanted Northerners need to loosen up.
6/27/2004: Holy cow! Consumers creamed by herds of milk-stingy bovines
6/20/2004: Friendly banter at post office will be missed
6/13/2004: A place for mules in Johnston administration
5/30/2004: Contemplating run for president of the United States
Contemplating a campaign for president
5/23/2004: Some common-sense advice for handling finances
5/16/2004: Baseball needs some real pitchers to save character of game
5/9/2004: Lessons from earlier global conflict resonate today
4/25/2004: Forecasts can be made with sharp ears and eyes
4/18/2004: Being Mr. Nice Guy takes a heavy toll on my tongue
It's not easy always having to be nice to people
4/11/2004: As war in Iraq worsens, Easter is no time to rejoice
4/4/2004: Prosecuting Stewart raises questions about equal justice
Prosecuting Martha Stewart raises questions about equal justice
3/28/2004: It's crazy to think Bush knew about 9/11 in advance
3/14/2004: 'Cheeseburger bill' may cause a few lawyers to starve
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3/7/2004: What's next in search for new revenue? A tax on sex?
First cigarettes, then alcohol. Virginia is running out of sins to cash in on
2/29/2004: Message of 'The Passion' is not in fashion
Parsing the passion over Mel Gibson's movie
2/22/2004: You can buy a cheap VCR, but what is there to tape?
You can buy a VCR cheap, but what would you want to tape?
2/15/2004: As conflict drags on, Americans lose interest in Iraq
As conflict drags on, America turns its attention away from Iraq.
2/8/2004: Super Bowl casts American culture in a bad light
Super Bowl puts American culture in the spotlight--and we come up losers
2/1/2004: Presidential politics could use a little more pizazz
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1/25/2004: Mars pics prompt question: Was the Duke there first?
Mars photos prompt a question: Was John Wayne there first?
1/18/2004: Man vs. machine, or dealing with life's new gadgets
Newfangled machines: You can shut them down, but you can't shut them up
1/11/2004: Baseball should welcome Pete Rose back into the fold
1/4/2004: Winter was colder before central heating
Few Americans today know what cold really is.
12/21/2003: Did Bush have this ace in the hole all along?
12/14/2003: Presidential race could use a dose of celebrity
Want to liven up the presidential race? Here are some exciting names
12/7/2003: Sometimes words get lost in translation
11/30/2003: Questions in need of answers
What to do with terrorists, school lunches and cell phones?
11/23/2003: Assassination of Kennedy left indelible mark on a generation
Death of JFK and its uncertain aftermath haunts millions of Americans
11/16/2003: As a service to new arrivals, here's a holiday primer
11/9/2003: All the news that's wit to print
All the news that's wit to print
10/26/2003: Goodbye, daylight; hello, hibernation
In a dark mood over the end of daylight-saving time
10/19/2003: Someday, meek shall inherit world (series)
No Promised Land for Cubs and Red Sox--again.
10/12/2003: Arnold elected? Sox, Cubs are winners? Apocalypse is near Arnold in the Statehouse. Cubs, Red Sox in the series? The end must be near.
Arnold in the Statehouse. Cubs, Red Sox in the series? The end must be near.
10/5/2003: Turn the tables on telemarketers Do-not-call list isn't the only way to flush telemarketers.
Do-not-call list isn't the only way to flush telemarketers.
9/28/2003: Quit your griping and give utility companies a break
Power crews doing best they can under difficult conditions
9/21/2003: Does Dr. Phil really know doughnuts?
Betcha dollars to doughnuts that Dr. Phil is wrong on weight-gain advice
9/14/2003: Opening up of heavens giving folks a devil of a time Summer of rain is wreaking havoc in Hell
Summer of rain is wreaking havoc in Hell
9/7/2003: Iraq has become bloody mess
Silence is deafening from those who thought Iraq would be a cinch
8/31/2003: To solve church-state problems, get rid of the state
Commandment controversy raises the question: Where do you draw the line between church and state?
8/24/2003: Grid failure? Y2K's the culprit
Light bulb goes off on the blackout: Either space aliens or late arrival of Y2K must be to blame
8/17/2003: Why are game-show contestants perfect?
Game shows are for the perfect people in life.
8/10/2003: Packaged air could breathe life into the dream of becoming rich Coming soon to a supermarket shelf near you: rarefied air.
Coming soon to a supermarket shelf near you: rarefied air.
8/3/2003: Sshhhh, someone may hear you exercising free speech
Is free speech the latest casualty of the war in Iraq?
7/27/2003: Virginia on verge of striking out in bid for baseball team Northern Virginia on the verge of striking out in bid to get a baseball team.
Northern Virginia on the verge of striking out in bid to get a baseball team.
7/20/2003: In a pinch, hermit crabs force owner to come out of pet shell
Having hermits in the house can make you crabby.
7/13/2003: When things are tough, there's hardly a peep from the veep
After 9/11, not a peep from the veep
7/6/2003: Expos' fortunes would reverse in Northern Virginia It's past time for the nation's pastime to move Expos to Northern Virginia
It's past time for the nation's pastime to move Expos to Northern Virginia
6/29/2003: Whither WMD? Hunt for Iraqi weapons also search for truth
Whither WMD? Hunt for weapons turning into search for truth.
6/22/2003: All this precipitation makes a farmer long for another drought
Rain is causing so many problems it makes you long for another drought.
6/15/2003: Mini Cooper zooms to the top of ugly-automobile list
Ugly-car list includes Mini Coopers, PT Cruisers and new VW bug.
6/1/2003: No bull! Mad cow disease can put farmer on the run
Mad cow disease can put a farmer on the run--and that's no bull.
5/25/2003: Mess with Westerns or baseball, and reckon with this American
Baseball and Westerns are too sacred to tamper with
5/18/2003: Giving is one thing, 'giving back' is something else
5/11/2003: To reach Southwest Va., go past the end of the Earth
With friendly folks and slower pace, Southwest Virginia is a honey of a place to live.
5/4/2003: Kids go to college, parents left in the dark
When kids go to college, parents are left in the dark.
4/20/2003: Farmers shake heads as deluges replace the drought
Rain helps hay grow, but promises to make gardens a little late in producing this year.
4/13/2003: Tax day hits illegal aliens, too
Think illegal aliens are reaping America's benefits without paying taxes? Think again.
3/30/2003: Here's a good one, but can you hear me now? How 'bout now?
Hold the phone! The latest on the funny story about the zkxptmsil cbjzmnspq srmnbvzkm.
3/23/2003: New Manifest Destiny brings falling bombs, rising stocks
Spreading American ideals and pumping up the stock market. What more could you ask from a war?
3/16/2003: Will al-Fido survive Iraq war?
People may fight like cats and dogs, but please protect the innocent pets of Iraq.THIS COLUMN is humani- tarian, not political. What about the innocent Iraqi dogs and cats?
3/9/2003: No need to worry with nerve pills in hand
Who needs a psychiatrist when nerve pills work wonders?
2/23/2003: Knock, knock: Mother Nature, terrorists threaten at same time
Duct tape or snow shovel? Hard to choose your weapon when terrorists and Mother Nature threaten at the same time.
2/16/2003: Terror's threat as bad as reality
Terrorism is a mind game that Americans are being forced to play.
2/9/2003: Sick as a dog? Don't be a hog
When stomach virus strikes, it's a good idea to watch your diet.
2/2/2003: Where does all that water spring from?
Water out of the ground: Where does it spring from?
1/26/2003: Will polecats on the prowl chase away winter's howl?
Time for the polecats to go on the prowl so we can get winter behind us.
1/19/2003: Tennis, pool, girls--and maybe a college class or two
When boys go off to college, they're quick to mind their p's and cues.
1/12/2003: Cheerleaders today take flight, but is what they do a sport?
Cheerleading takes flight with acrobatic stunts now the rage, but does it qualify as a sport?
1/12/2003: Cheerleaders today take flight, but is what they do a sport?
Cheerleading takes flight with acrobatic stunts now the rage, but does it qualify as a sport?
1/5/2003: Hillary has one vote to be first U.S. woman president
America may be ready for a woman president, but is it ready for a second President Clinton? Hillary may be the answer for downtrodden Democrats in 2004.
1/5/2003: Hillary has one vote to be first U.S. woman president
America may be ready for a woman president, but is it ready for a second President Clinton? Hillary may be the answer for downtrodden Democrats in 2004.
12/29/2002: Take out the shears and cut Christmas down to size
Let's shrink Christmas, and all those holiday bowl games, too.
12/22/2002: Old bridge can teach drivers some lessons
One-lane bridge in Culpeper teaches drivers old-fashioned values of patience and courtesy.
12/16/2002: Winter's snow and ice perfect for melting the heart
Winter weather good for fanning the flames of passion.
12/15/2002: Winter's snow and ice perfect for melting the heart
Winter weather good for fanning the flames of passion.
12/8/2002: Winter weather: Tales keep getting deeper
Weathering the storm: Snowfalls of the past drift higher and higher on the fertile slopes of our memories.
12/1/2002: Age-old lesson for young folks: War is not video game Age-old lesson to younger generation as America fights overseas: War is no video game.
Age-old lesson to younger generation as America fights overseas: War is no video game.
11/24/2002: President Bush forced to wear many hats--and disguises, too
With world conflicts flaring today, could the person next to you be the president in disguise?
11/17/2002: For father of the bride, good news comes with a cost
Daughter's engagement is exciting, but good news comes at a cost.
11/10/2002: Defeat of the transportation tax won't slow the growth
Whether we like it or not, the area will continue to grow and we will need more roads.
11/3/2002: Stars of rock 'n' roll's Golden Age now golden-agers
Stars of rock 'n' roll's Golden Age now becoming Golden Agers.
10/27/2002: Profiling 'experts' way off target in portraits of sniper suspects
Profiling experts draw a faulty portrait of sniper suspects.
10/20/2002: No silver bullet to end terrorism, but Golden Rule might work
Learning to live with terrorism may result in a lot of locked doors.
10/13/2002: Trying to unravel the mystery of the sniper
Trying to make sense of senseless killings. Could it be about Iraq?
10/6/2002: Reflections on talking the talk and walking the walk
Reflections on modern-day oddities: e-mail lawsuits, "walks" for a cause and a strange drought.
9/29/2002: U.S. honor at stake with threat of war
Threat from Iraq isn't great enough to warrant an erosion of American honor.
9/22/2002: Smokers, not tobacco executives, have made cigarettes popular
Who's to blame for the popularity of cigarettes? The people who smoke them, not the ones who make them.
9/15/2002: There are some things in life you can neither forgive nor forget
Forgive and forget? Never! There are enough grievances out there to consume more than a lifetime.
9/8/2002: Horseshoe revival kicks up the memories
Regaining the touch for horseshoes is dirty work.
9/1/2002: Affluence spawns a search for quaintness
Everyone has quaint ideas about somebody else's town.
8/25/2002: Will ban on bathing be next?
What's next in drought restrictions? A ban on bathing?
8/18/2002: Hollywood finally offers 'Signs' from above
Like movies with a religious message? Look for "Signs" from above.
8/11/2002: As pile of vegetables rises, so does the blood pressure of the cook
As pile of veggies rise, so does the cook's temper.
8/4/2002: Baseball is nasty enough without a strike
Baseball is already a nasty game. A strike would make it even nastier.
7/21/2002: Americans take stock of the market and don't like what they see Mr. and Mrs. America take stock of the market, and don't like what they see.
Mr. and Mrs. America take stock of the market, and don't like what they see.
7/14/2002: All-Star fiasco enough to sicken even dedicated baseball fans All-Star Game fiasco enough to sicken even the most dedicated baseball fain.
All-Star Game fiasco enough to sicken even the most dedicated baseball fain.
7/12/2002: Now: No permits? No festivals
7/7/2002: Barn fight could settle problems with Iraq
Here's an old-fashioned idea for settling problems with Iraq: Let George W. and Saddam fight it out behind the barn.
6/30/2002: Reasons for keeping old shirt as full of holes as garment itself
Reasons for keeping that favorite shirt are as full of holes as the garment itself.
6/23/2002: What's left after the SOL tests?
Random thoughts on SOL tests, interleague play and cellphones.
6/16/2002: I say: Let priests get married
A Baptist offers some advice to the Roman Catholic Church: Let priests marry.
6/9/2002: With marriage pact, no need for divorce
A new deal on marriages: Abolish 'life without parole' in favor of renewable contracts.
6/2/2002: When you could describe a man with a name
Remembering when the words 'fellow' and 'gentleman' told you everything you needed to know about a man.
5/26/2002: School play prelude to today's bald look
Indian hairdo got this paleface a scalping.
5/19/2002: Negative response to column helps change meat-eatin' ways
5/5/2002: Give farmers a break--or a crop of answers
How do you raise quality, affordable crops without fertilizer and pesticides? This frustrated farmer wants to know.
4/28/2002: Lawyers, politicians be damned
Proliferation of lawyers has an unexpected side effect: Hell is now full.
4/21/2002: New York City cabbies give two 'country boys' a tour at 90 mph
One bite of the Big Apple was plenty for a country boy unaccustomed to the driving habits of New York cabbies.
4/14/2002: 'Twisted mind' aims to untwist cop-violence debate
Columnist returns fire over his column about police shootings.
4/7/2002: Grandma, a battlin' Baptist
Don't question Grandma's religion unless you're prepared to turn the other cheek.
3/31/2002: Recent lawsuits give new meaning to 'frivolity'
Recent lawsuits move legal frivolity closer to the highest level.
3/24/2002: Save those knees: Ride a bicycle
Bicycles can help your knees, but car and train travel will give you stomach pains.
3/17/2002: Eat chocolate, live longer
3/10/2002: No dullness in D.C. with Barry back in town
Marion Barry is back. Can fun be far behind?
3/3/2002: A solution to Northern Virginia's many problems: Forced secession
A solution to Northern Virginia's problems: forced secession.
2/24/2002: State government, urban sprawl and polecat prognosticating
2/10/2002: Ashcroft's cover-up shows he isn't staying abreast of the times
2/3/2002: Until the unfriendly skies calm down, I'll be taking the bus, thank you
12/30/2001: Nostradonniemus peers into the future, makes his predictions
Nostradonniemus peers into the future and makes his predictions. Can you figure it out?
12/23/2001: When a teen-ager learned about the true spirit of the season
Remembering Christmases past, when a teen-ager learned about the true spirit of the season.
12/16/2001: New supermarket is hard to stomach the new supermarket
Having to change supermarkets is hard to stomach.
12/9/2001: Readers get hot under the collar when you play the devil's advocate
Things can get hot when you play the devil's advocate.
12/2/2001: Prison fashion, snowy weather and big deer
Prison life is rough. There's no remote, and the wardrobe is even worse.
11/25/2001: For our Northern friends: A good old definition of a 'good old boy'
A good old definition for a 'good old boy.'
11/18/2001: Can Christians reconcile 'Thou shalt not kill' with the war on terrorism?
War against terror puts Christianity to the test.
11/11/2001: Bring on the movie romances A self-described 'born romantic' rates Top 10 movies of all time.
A self-described 'born romantic' rates Top 10 movies of all time.
11/4/2001: Retain daylight-saving time all year and keep my weight down
Why can't daylight-saving time go on forever? Winter's when we really need it.
10/28/2001: Our newest cat tries a man's soul
For all but the most committed cat lover, Itty Bitty Kitty is a great big pain.
10/21/2001: Censorship--never a good idea, even in a time of national crisis
Censorship never a good idea, even in time of crisis.
10/14/2001: Health problems? A good dose of skunk grease works wonders
Health problems? A good dose of skunk grease will work wonders.
10/7/2001: Don't turn your nose up at bank tellers
Being a bank teller can be a job that really stinks.
9/30/2001: Laura Bush needs to step up to plate, make her mark as first lady
Will first lady Laura Bush make a mark on history?
9/23/2001: Terror attacks on America will reverberate for a long, long time
Terrorist attacks of Sept. 11 will continue to have repercussions across America.
9/9/2001: Ugly is usually left standing in pretty's shadow--but not always
Pretty people don't always earn more, and I've got pictures to prove it.
9/2/2001: School policy makes zero sense
Schools' zero-tolerance policy sometimes makes makes zero sense.
8/26/2001: A summer motel mystery: The case of the missing mutt
Motel mystery: The case of the missing mutt.
8/19/2001: Teen-driving curfew can be a headache for parents
Teen driving curfew can be a late-night headache for parents.
8/5/2001: 'Culpepper' is always a favorite choice for misspellers
7/22/2001: Sleeping until 8 doesn't make a person lazy
Sleeping until 8 doesn't make a person lazy.
7/15/2001: To harvest a garden's bounty, don't sow seeds of discontent
The key to harvesting a garden's bounty is making sure you don't sow seeds of discontent.
7/8/2001: Old friends understand that two-timing isn't always bad
Columnist recalls a memorable broadcast of a high-school basketball game.
7/7/2001: Praise the Lord, and pass the Kool-Aid
7/1/2001: Two area teachers who motivated students will be greatly missed
Eleanor Thompson and Ruth Lea Davies were teachers who knew how to get students interested in learning. Both will be missed.
6/30/2001: Don't jump to conclusions
6/24/2001: It's time to honor first Americans with their own holiday
America needs an Indian holiday. How about the anniversary of the battle of Little Bighorn?
6/17/2001: On Father's Day, wisdom for a dear old dad of three On Father's Day, words of wisdom from a dear old dad of three.
On Father's Day, words of wisdom from a dear old dad of three.
6/16/2001: Longing for summer's slack schedule
6/10/2001: Donnie Johnston: It's time for a bloopers video from the home-repair shows
It's time for a bloopers video from all those home-repair shows.
6/5/2001: Donnie Johnston: Thank you George W. for a brand-new mule and a full tank of gas refer to Robcol
How best to spend that new tax refund? A new mule would be nice, but a tank of gas is a must.
6/2/2001: Is it greed or fondness for toys that fuels cell-phone mania?
5/27/2001: Know your teen-ager? Mmmmprobably not well
Do you know your teen-ager? Probably not as well as you think.
5/13/2001: The many roads to getting your mug on TV Good-for-nothing spouse? Ugly children? Game shows may be out, but there are still ways to make it to TV.
Good-for-nothing spouse? Ugly children? Game shows may be out, but there are still ways to make it to TV.
5/12/2001: Space creatures pay a call to Virginia countryside
5/6/2001: Would-be crooner can't carry tune
Despite all evidence to the contrary, it's hard for determined singer to drop the notion that he can hit the high notes.
4/29/2001: Ride off into the sunset while watching a cowboy fan's Top 10 movies
Westerns may be a thing of the past, but there are plenty of classics to whet the appetite of the serious movie-viewer. A cowboy fan rates his top 10.
4/22/2001: New-car shopping can be an exercise in futility for both parties
Looking for a new car can be an exercise in futility--for buyer and salesman.
4/15/2001: Close only counts in hand grenades, horseshoes
Odds and ends: An unflattering estimate of the education and justice systems, the John Wayne approach to foreign policy, and watching life's milestones speed by.
4/8/2001: Old tomcat masquerading as house cat leads to lack of sleep
Taking in a cat can cost you money and sleep. And you need not expect any loyalty in return.
4/1/2001: Global warming? Maybe those scientists should check my plants
Global warming? Maybe those scientists should check my cabbage plants.
3/25/2001: Trooper has X-ray eyes, and probably leaps tall buildings
3/11/2001: The fact is, Bill Clinton won’t let Bill Clinton go away
With Monica Lewinsky signing on for an HBO documentary, Bill Clinton might never stop making headlines.
