IT WAS ANYTHING but a “Super” Bowl.

In fact, it was as boring as all get out, which is probably why TV ratings for this “extravaganza” were the lowest in 10 years (some people didn’t watch because they hate the New England Patriots and Tom Brady).

One point per quarter for each team through three quarters. Man, that was heating up the old gridiron.

Talk about not living up to the hype. Super Bowl LIII was the flop of the century thus far. We had to spend two weeks listening to analysts for that? Give me a break.

Thankfully, there were movies for me to flip to when things got really boring. During the first half, there was “Dr. Zhivago” and watching Omar Sharif trudge through a blinding snowstorm in deepest darkest Russia was far more exciting than watching the hapless Los Angeles Rams punt over and over.

And during the second half, John Wayne’s cattle drive to Kansas in “Red River” stood head and shoulders over New England’s defensive linemen chasing the opposing quarterback.

Well, if the game was a bust, there are always those wonderful Super Bowl commercials that companies pay millions to air.

But why should America care if there is no corn syrup in Bud Light? Is that a big deal? Sounds like a slap in the face to this country’s farmers to me.

Several of the other commercials were more social commentaries than ads. If I want to see social commentaries, I’ll watch the nightly news. That’s about all the networks air these days.

Some of the commercials had no meaning to me and other people I’ve talked with. At times, we couldn’t figure out what the product was. Why do companies pay big bucks to produce commercials that no one understands?

Then there was the halftime show. Does the NFL understand that the vast majority of its fan base is made up of grizzled old men over 50? Few people over 30 even knew who those halftime acts were, and certainly not the old guys with their beers (minus corn syrup) in their hands.

In the first place, I find it hard to get all that excited about a title game featuring two teams that may have already played each other during the regular season meeting.

Back when the AFL champs played the NFL champs, well, that was different. Now the NFL championship is often just the repeat of an earlier meeting between the two teams.

It is the same with the World Series. Some of those teams may have played each other several times already during the course of the season.

And “World” Series? That implies that teams from all over the world are involved. Actually it is 31 teams representing 27 cities. That hardly qualifies as “world.”

But we’ll beat on baseball later. Let’s get back to putting the final nail in the coffin for football’s 2018-19 season.

The only way Super Bowl Sunday could have been more exciting is if the networks had scheduled an equally exciting college basketball game to precede it, one like North Carolina State and Virginia Tech.

Let’s see, in that game, the score was something like 5–3 with 12 minutes gone. It ended up 47–24 Tech, N.C. State’s 16.7 field goal shooting percentage was the lowest EVER in the ACC. And these were both Top 25 teams.

So, it is a shame that we couldn’t have had a big old Sunday sports doubleheader featuring the ACC’s most hapless shooting performance followed by the lowest-scoring game in Super Bowl history.

But we will just have to settle for all the excitement that wasn’t.

After the game ended, John Wayne was trying to control a cattle stampede at the same time the CBS broadcaster was trying to interview Tom Brady on the field. Switching back and forth, it was hard to tell which was which. There was a lot of milling around and confusion on both channels.

So congratulations to New England for an exciting (OK, eliminate the exciting) performance.

Now let’s get on to baseball, where, I am told, they do put corn syrup in their beer.

Donnie Johnston:

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